The Fuck It List

By Playboy Staff Illustration by Zach Meyer

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The Fuck It List:

Spending six figures on a Ferrari is a distant dream for most guys; the reality of a 400-horsepower beauty idling in rush-hour traffic is a distinct bummer. To affordably and unforgettably experience the automotive quintessence of la dolce vita, spend your next vacation in northern Italy, where at Push Start Maranello you can drive a Ferrari the way it was meant to be driven. For $450 you get a Ferrari F430 Spider and 60 minutes of drive time in the Italian countryside. pushstart.it

Book a $5,000 flight on Zero Gravity Corporation’s modified Boeing 727 to experience the closest thing to weightlessness without a rocket. This is the same company NASA uses to train spaceflight crews, so you know it’s the real deal. gozerog.com

You don’t need to be Thomas Jefferson or Francis Ford Coppola to realize the gentlemanly dream of producing your own wine. For as little as $5,000 you can oversee the making and bottling of a barrel of wine (that’s 300 bottles) through the Sonoma-based Wine Foundry. Consult with staff winemakers and designers on everything from selecting a vineyard and a varietal to creating a label and marketing your creation. With the trained pros at your back, the hardest part will be coming up with a name for your wine. thewinefoundry.com

Here’s one story you won’t want to stay in Vegas: You deejayed TAO nightclub at the Venetian, the same venue that globe-trotting artists Steve Aoki and DJ Vice have played. It’s a brag-worthy experience you can claim as your own—no experience necessary. For $25,000 (plus a private-event rental fee), a resident DJ will give you a lesson in how to work the decks and build a perfect set list. When you take the stage, your set will be accompanied by a synchronized audiovisual production complete with lights and lasers. taolasvegas.com

The big-shot move of ordering a Kobe beef T-bone at a steakhouse is nothing compared with owning the whole damned cow. True Grass Farms in northern California raises organic grass-fed wagyu cattle and will sell you all 350 pounds of the finely marbled beef broken down into steaks, roasts and humble cuts for $3,800. If you don’t have a walk-in meat locker or enough friends to divvy up the spoils, opt for the more apartment-dweller-friendly 22-pound “urban share” for $315. truegrassfarms.com

The idea of having your own resident butler is a fine daydream, until you factor in the reality of sharing your bachelor pad with someone other than a beautiful girl. A host of new apps and websites put an army of private staffers at your disposal without all the Downton Abbey drama. Popular requests include booking travel, assembling furniture and shopping for groceries, but there’s nothing to stop you from asking someone to buy gin, vermouth and ice and then stir up a batch of martinis on a Friday night.

$$$$$ • TASKRABBIT Post the job you need to have completed; background-checked helpers will submit bids. taskrabbit.com

$$$ • FANCY HANDS A $45 monthly fee gets you 15 requests for any job that can be done over the phone or on a computer. Yes, you can hire someone to be on hold for you. fancyhands.com

$ • FIVERR An online marketplace for services that cost just five bucks. fiverr.com

The Double Robotics system ($2,500) allows you to be in two places at once—virtually—via an iPad mounted on a Segway-like platform that you can control remotely from anywhere in the world. Drive your double to meetings, then stick around to see who gets into trouble at the office party. doublerobotics.com

Let other men strain their backs and bloat their bellies with feats of strength and speed eating. An accomplishment certified by none other than Guinness World Records is more achievable than you think. The web-based Challengers competition has 200 breakable records, from Mario Kart time trials to quarters stacked on the back of a hand in one minute. Prove your mettle via video for official certification. challengers.guinnessworldrecords.com

Blockbuster technology is finally within reach of mere mortals. When Michael Bay had to select a camera to shoot the fourth installment of the Transformers film franchise, he chose a RED digital model that can be rented by civilians like you, complete with lenses and fancy accessories, for $1,000 a day. Budding directors with Bling Ring–level aspirations can rent a more indie-appropriate rig for half that price. 5kcamerarentals.com

If the clothes make the man, then stand above all other men by having your clothes made. The bespoke suit is the pinnacle of the garment game. Gone are the days of jetting to Hong Kong to have a one-of-a-kind suit tailored for you. Choose fabrics, lapel width, venting and other details that will set you apart at the office or out on the town.

$$$$$ • THOM SWEENEY If you can go to London, head to this tailor favored by David Beckham. thomsweeney.co.uk

$$$ • ASTOR & BLACK With prices starting at $650, this company will craft your suit after sending a tailor to your home or office for a custom fitting. astorandblack.com

$ • INDOCHINO This site lets you customize the lining, pocket flaps and other cool details on a wide range of suit styles. indochino.com

There’s nothing like seeing your name embroidered on the uniforms of athletes performing at the highest level…which is why man invented bowling. For a few thousand dollars you can sponsor a professional bowling team. (Visit local alleys or bowling message boards to find teams looking for backing.) Be sure to negotiate to receive a percentage of prize monies and, of course, a bowling shirt.

Every man who has ever secretly identified with a James Bond villain has dreamed of making every week shark week at his house. You could, if you were so inclined, spend tens of thousands of dollars on a full-size hammerhead shark and a massive custom-built MTV Cribs–worthy tank. But an impressive (and less endangered) three-foot-long bamboo cat shark and a plug-and-play 250-gallon salt-water aquarium will set back budding Dr. Evils a cool $3,000.

Indulge your Napoleonic narcissism without having to deal with the expense and hassle of hiring a fine artist to paint an oil portrait. At the New York showroom of 3-D-printing pioneer MakerBot, have a 3-D image of your face scanned in a photo booth for a mere five bucks. For $60 more, buy the plastic 3-D version of your head, suitable for displaying on your fireplace mantel or hot-gluing to the hood of your car. makerbot.com

Don’t let Jeff Bezos, Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kutcher have all the fun of reshaping the future of technology and culture. New crowdsourcing platforms put digital entrepreneurship within the reach of regular folks.

$$$$$ • MICROVENTURES For $5,000, accredited “angel” investors can bankroll start-ups with growth potential. microventures.com

$$$ • APPBACKR Browse mobile-app start-ups and back your favorites for as little as $30. appbackr.com

$ • FUNDLY Give back like Bill Gates. Use this site to support deserving charities, favorite causes and other nonprofits. fundly.com

Sure, you can wait until you retire to chronicle your life’s exploits in a memoir or thinly veiled novel, but in today’s confessional digital culture there’s no moment like now. Below are ways to do it, from the traditional route to the easiest.

$$$$$ • WORKSHOP Quit your job and apply to the University of Iowa Writers’ Workshop. Tuition: $26,000

$$$ • SELF-PUBLISH Amazon’s Create-Space service sets up authors with Kindle, print-on-demand and audiobook distribution. Base price: $4,500

$ • PLAY THE VIDEO GAME Practice your chops in the video game The Novelist, in which you—that’s right—try to write a novel. Price: $15

The golden age of travel is far behind us, but a -little-known network of luxury train cars straight out of Murder on the Orient Express—think Tchaikovsky–playing pianists and fine china in the dining car—is out there for men willing to pay. Thanks to Private Rail Cars, meticulously restored railcars with names such as Northern Dreams, Majestic Imperator and Golden Eagle Trans-Siberian Express can be rented and hitched to commercial trains in the U.S. and Europe for an unforgettable adventure in the way travel ought to be. privaterailcars.net

Despite the well-known fact that most restaurants are doomed to fail, legions of men with Top Chef fantasies remain undeterred. If you are one of those dreamers, consider a realistic first attempt—one that won’t leave you saddled with a building lease and a vast wine cellar that needs to be unloaded at auction. Try your hand at running a food truck for a more manageable taste of hell’s kitchen. Los Angeles–based Road Stoves will set you up with a truck and marketing and promotion services and will even help you dial in a concept. roadstoves.com

You used to have to be a Fortune 500 CEO or a studio head to skip the insults of modern air travel and fly on a private jet. Thanks to the minds behind Uber, the revolutionary car-service app, you can now use their new aviation equivalent. BlackJet takes advantage of deadheads (empty seats) on underutilized aircraft to offer fliers the private-jet experience for the price of a full-fare first-class ticket. A jet may not offer lay-flat seats and warm Brazil nuts, but the pleasure of leaving the hoi polloi behind in the security line is priceless. blackjet.com

The adage that no man is an island may be true, but there’s no stopping a man from buying an island all for himself. For the price of a top-of-the-line Hyundai you can buy a one-acre island off Maine, a beachy slice of Belize or a Nova Scotian redoubt. Buy an iPhone solar charger and start putting together that desert-island playlist. privateislandsonline.com


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