It was an amazing year for funny stuff. Well, maybe not on TV or in the movies but on Twitter? Absolutely.
But not everyone had a great 2014. You’ll notice some of the biggest names in Twitter didn’t make this year’s list, which is a direct by-product of them leaving Twitter behind for more financially fulfilling endeavors. This list, like it is every year, is a who’s who of up-and-comers.
How were they chosen? Good question. First, they had to be f-ing hilarious. Next, they had to have a consistent timeline - no throwing every thought they had at the wall and deleting everything that doesn’t stick. A bad tweet is just as bad as a good tweet is good. And finally, they had to be a real person. No parody accounts or accounts that just steal material. Those suck.
So, without further ado, the funniest Tweeters of 2014.
50. BRADEN GRAEBER
Braden doesn’t tweet a lot, but when he does it’s carefully thought out, professionally edited, and definitely going to make you laugh.
Why pay to go to a haunted house when you can just be an adult and experience constant terror for free?— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) October 27, 2014
49. BRANDON MCCARTHY
He pitches for the Yankees (or some other team if you’re reading this in the future), he’s funny, he likes sports and Calvin and Hobbes, and he’s got a hilarious wife to boot. What’s not to like?
…in sickness and in health and when you’re real hungover and she’s like “let’s go out and do stuff today”…— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) November 1, 2014
48. ROB DELANEY
Everyone knows Rob Delaney so I’m not going to say anything you haven’t heard before. He’s lewd, crude, hairy, and hilarious.
Wifi at my uncle’s funeral is a fucking joke.— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 9, 2014
47. MARY CHARLENE
Not only is MC (no idea if people call her that) extremely funny, she’s also an artist. And big surprise here, her artwork is also pretty damn clever.
my cat is playing with her tail and I’m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 18, 2014
46. SAGE BOGGS
Sage is one of those Twitter comedians (is that a thing?) that seems to never make a comedy misstep.
I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitter— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 5, 2014
45. LAURA BENANTI
A talented actress as well as a comically gifted young lady, Laura lights up Twitter with gems like:
I JUST SAW A MAN KICK A RAT WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT DID THAT RAT EVER DO TO YOU SIR FOR ALL YOU KNOW HE COULD BE AN AMAZING CHEF IN PARIS— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 3, 2014
44. BRIDGER WINEGAR
Not only is Bridger a titan among men on Twitter, but I have it on good authority that he loves it when you make puns about his last name being close to the word “vinegar.” (I made this up, don’t do this.)
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 19, 2014
43. ANDY LASSNER
Andy is an executive producer on The Ellen Show, but his jokes aren’t quite as…wholesome as you might anticipate. (That’s a good thing.)
Kris Jenner has filed for divorce from Bruce Jenner after 23 years of marriage.— andy lassner (@andylassner) September 23, 2014
She is asking for publicity during this difficult time.
42. BEN SCHWARTZ
Ben plays Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Rec and is our second noted Calvin and Hobbes enthusiast on the list. That has nothing to do with anything. Here’s a funny tweet:
If you are color blind, Twister is a mother fucking free for all.— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) October 14, 2014
Avatars of cartoon animals came into favor hard in 2014. While some people hide behind these avatars, let me assure you that Mr. Bear is just as funny and nice as his avatar portrays.
[on phone with delivery guy]— Thynebear (@Thynebear) September 11, 2014
just come inside & bring the pizza upstairs pic.twitter.com/cBKf9Q9Suy
40. CLARKE KANT
Okay this tweet wasn’t in 2014 but it’s just too good not to share. Trust me there are plenty from this year as well.
The sentence “I never said he licked my asshole” has 7 different meanings depending on the stressed word.— Clarke Kant (@clarkekant) January 27, 2012
His profile says it all. “I write jokes.” Well I guess he left out the word “hilarious” so I take back my first statement.
What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:— Ristolable (@Ristolable) August 13, 2014
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
38. NICEST HIPPO
Could a hippo be nicer? I think not. Could a hippo be funnier? Only if he were purple and wearing a hat. Oh wait…
(Seriously though he is super nice.)
CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you?— Hippo (@InternetHippo) September 21, 2014
HUMANS: Superior intellect
C: Cool what’s it for?
H: Math and feeling bad
37. CAPRICE CRANE
Caprice is a novelist, screenwriter, producer, and a funny mofo. Also, she’s a really nice person. Proof (of the funny part):
Coffee is like a push-up bra for your personality.— caprice crane (@capricecrane) December 5, 2014
36. CHASE MITCHELL
If you don’t like reading a lot of extra words, Chase Mitchell is your man. He’s not one to waste time, and gets right to the funny.
Best Chubby Checker Songs:— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 10, 2014
- Do The Twist
- Let’s Twist Again
- Did You Hear Me, About The Twisting
- You Gonna Fuckin’ Twist Or What
Dubstep has made a ton of funniest twitter account lists and deservedly so. He’s one of the kings of the alternative joke format.
[Commercial for doors]— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) September 9, 2014
[Guy runs into wall, falls, gets back up, does it six more times]
“Theres got to be a better way..”
34. KEVIN FARZAD
Just read this tweet. Enough said.
33. SARAH BEATTIE
Don’t let the avatar picture fool you, there’s a reason she gets so many retweets. (Spoiler: It’s because she’s funny.)
32. ELI TERRY
Eli’s a New York comedian. I’m not sure he’s the best New York comedian on the 2014 list but I’d challenge you to find me a better one.
quick movie poster mockup of my dream cast for the new ghostbusters movie pic.twitter.com/N6N4tGW8G1— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) October 9, 2014
31. MOLLY KATS
Buckle up for some hilarity, Molly Kats is here and she’s got funny jokes just like always.
Why Did I Start This Conversation: A Memoir— Molly (@Molly_Kats) May 28, 2014
30. RANDI LAWSON
Speaking of hilarity, Randi Lawson is amazing in that regard. And she didn’t even pay me to say that.
Don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re not feeling creative. There are literally 2 major league baseball teams named after sock colors— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) November 7, 2014
29. DAN MENTOS
Dan enjoys long walks on the beach, playing checkers against his pet turtle Barnaby, and writing extremely funny tweets like this one.
it’s called being condescending maybe you’ve heard of it— dan mentos (@DanMentos) October 15, 2014
28. JEFF WYSASKI
The brains behind the Pleated Jeans website, Jeff is a great mix of unique joke formats and really funny material.
*accidentally knocks ‘G’ off graveyard sign*— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 5, 2014
*skeletons rise from ground twirling glowsticks dancing like crazy*
27. JACY CATLIN
Jacy is unlike pretty much everyone else on this list. He doesn’t tell you what’s funny, he shows you. (And he has the best website name of all time: I Eat and Drink Diarrhea
I drew a map of the USA completely from memory. How’d I do? pic.twitter.com/TXDZdjqPcW— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) November 27, 2013
26. KEN JENNINGS
You know Ken from his time being smart on 'Jeopardy!’ On Jeopardy! he had to be Smart! but on Twitter! he can just be Funny! And he is.
APPLE: Have you ever been kayaking?— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 20, 2014
2ND APPLE: No.
APPLE: I hear it’s really good for your core.
2ND APPLE: I don’t want to be in this tweet
25. TIM SIEDELL
Tim is a writer on the upcoming The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore and it makes sense that he got a job that pays him to make jokes because he’s really good at it.
I like how Google’s driverless car assumes we’d still want to sit and look out the windshield instead of eating pizza in a moving bathtub.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) May 29, 2014
24. MIKE GINN
Mike lives in Washington if you want to go stalk him because he’s so damn funny. Just an idea, not a suggestion.
If you bump into someone you havent seen in 7 years, every cell has been replaced and they’re someone new entirely. You don’t have to say hi— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 3, 2014
23. KEET POTATO
Mr. Potato is another from the new school of joke construction. He doesn’t so much write jokes as write mini sketches of hilarity and absurdity.
[at interview]— k e i t h (@KeetPotato) August 18, 2014
“ok 1st question you’re on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him”
“welcome to the navy seals”
22. CEE JOYNER
Cee Joyner is one of the most liked twitter joke-writers among twitter joke-writers. It makes sense because he writes jokes like this:
When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It’s just one boat, how many could there be, they said.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) February 6, 2014
21. TASTE FACTORY
His name is Patrick. He has a kitten as a head/face. And he’s very good at writing funny jokes.
Being an adult is basically that feeling when the fireworks are over and it’s time to go home, but all the time.— pat tobin (@tastefactory) August 31, 2014
20. DANNY ZUKER
Mr. Zuker has a comedy resume that might be longer than everyone else on the list combined. But that doesn’t stop him from being delightful on Twitter like all the time.
My grandfather’s holocaust stories aren’t half as depressing as the contestant interview segment on Jeopardy.— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) January 4, 2014
19. OH NO SHE TWITNT (FORMERLY ANN COULTERGEIST)
No matter what you call her, she’s just great. Social commentary, witty observations, and hilarious god damn jokes.
“Welcome to the jungle”— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 23, 2014
“We’ve got fun and games”
“You’re in the jungle”
We’ve established this
“You’re gonna die!”
18. JONNIFER LOPEZ
I’m not exactly sure what to make of Jonnifer. He’s a bit of a mystery but that mystery just adds to the allure of his tweets.
Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown— jonnifer lopez (@senderblock23) February 26, 2014
17. JEN STATSKY
I first sought out Jen when I saw her name on one of my favorite Parks and Rec episodes of all time. Since then I’ve been in full support of Team Statsky and her amazing tweets.
My diet could best be described as, “unchaperoned child at a birthday party.”— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) February 21, 2014
16. MARK LEGGETT
Finally, someone from New Zealand makes the list! And what an addition he is. Mark combines the power of humor you desire with the absurdness you need.
A giraffe’s coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.— Mark Leggett 🙋🏻♂️ (@markleggett) August 3, 2014
15. KYLE LIPPERT
Kyle is a super-nice fellow who lives in New York and tweets hilarious shit like, “Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.” and:
“I love u”— Lyle Clip Art (@Kyle_Lippert) February 23, 2014
“Umm isn’t it a bit too soon to say I love you?”
“Oh ha I meant the letter U. What’s your fav u word? Mine is Unreciprocated lol”
14. CHARLENE deGUZMAN
Relatable and funny? You want relatable and funny?!? I present to you Charlene deGuzman.
I can’t wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) July 18, 2012
13. RAD MILK
Rad Milk may turn off a few people with his borderline insensitive tweets but that’s why you should love him. I don’t think anyone would accuse him of not saying what’s on his mind and also milk is totally rad.
daily inspiration from rad milk pic.twitter.com/weTZRYQhBs— everett byram (@rad_milk) September 25, 2014
12. FRED DELICIOUS
Mr. Delicious brings the funny from Britain and he brings it hard. Another account that has been on numerous 'Best of Twitter’ lists and rightfully so because, well, just check him out.
“Good morning, this is your pilot speaking”— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) January 15, 2014
“AND THIS IS YOUR PILOT SHOUTING”
“and this is your pilot doing some sick beatboxing”
11. JULIEANNE SMOLINSKI
Better known as Boobs Radley, Julieanne is one of the best of the best. There’s a reason she has 150k+ followers and that reason is funny. She started off 2014 with this masterpiece:
I’m against animal testing, unless of course you’re testing little top hats and miniature sunglasses.— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 1, 2014
10. JOMNY SUN
Top 10! And what better way to start than Jomny Sun. Jomny is one of those accounts that keeps Twitter interesting. I’m convinced he spells stuff wrong on purpose so readers are forced to really pay attention to his tweets. Pretty sure he’s a genius.
me: goodnight moon :)— jomny sun, authoer (@jonnysun) October 21, 2014
me: goodnight stars :)
me: sry wrongnumber
moon: whos stars
moon: who is stars
moon: answer me
on earth: a magiciam puts his hand in his hat— jomny sun, authoer (@jonnysun) February 22, 2014
in the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. it is time. the rabit council must chose a sacrifice
9. ROB FEE
Rob is a Twitter fixture. Almost everyone on this list has had some interaction with Rob and it’s almost guaranteed you have read something funny he has written since he writes for about 13,000 websites. And the funny is always there.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog & she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 20, 2014
What were Chick Fil-A’s other mascot ideas before landing on an illiterate cow begging for his life?— Rob Fee (@robfee) October 10, 2014
8. KUMAIL NANJIANI
You may recognize him from the show Silicon Valley where he plays a downright hilarious computer engineer. And in a turn of events that surprises no one, he’s great on Twitter too.
“It tastes horrible the 1st hundred times but once the chemical dependency kicks in you can’t live without it.” - someone pitching coffee— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) April 13, 2014
“Don’t go to weddings.” - best advice in Westeros— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) April 14, 2014
7. MIKE SCOLLINS
Mike makes funnies at Funny or Die but I won’t hold that against him because just look at this tweet. LOOK AT IT. I’m convinced it’s one of the best tweets this century.
“1990 called, they want their shirt back.”— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) September 3, 2014
“…why didn’t you warn them about 9/11?”
And a “Sir, you can’t bring that Lime-a-Rita in here” to you as well!— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) May 6, 2014
6. TARA SHOE
Like our #7 on the list, Tara is criminally underfollowed. She’s got one of the most creative voices on the list and needs a lot more people to hear (see?) it.
uh actually going through life on 4-5hrs of sleep per night is a perfectly way of doing functioning for having to doing. in your living time— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 11, 2014
dammit i HATE this slowass coffee machine [gandhi walks into breakroom] and not finding strength in my suffering. also hate that. mornin sir— tara shoe (@tarashoe) October 10, 2014
5. BUCKY ISOTOPE
When he’s not playfully feuding with (and destroying) other popular Twitter accounts, he’s putting words together to form sentences that always make you laugh. I’m guessing he’s the funniest person ever from Kansas.
I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) July 21, 2014
Is there a 😭?
“There are 14”
I’d like to solve. ‘OMG LOL I CAN’T EVEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭’
“You got it”
MAMA— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) May 20, 2014
Be quiet Freddie
JUST KILLED A MAN
As your lawyer I-
PUT A GUN AGAINST HIS HEAD
PULLED THE TRIGGER-
We plead guilty, Your Honor
4. BRIAN GAAR
In 2014 Brian put out a comedy album and worked on a comedy special but still somehow found time to be this good at Twitter. Where others have dropped off the map, he keeps getting stronger. I think he’s absorbing energy from lesser comedians he’s dueled along the way.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 14, 2012
Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of … oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 11, 2014
3. BRENDAN O'HARE
I read something once that Brendan is way too young to be this funny. That holds true today and seems to only get more true as the days go by. Sure Brendan is good with the words…
I am thrilled to announce that all of my political opinions are correct— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) February 18, 2014
…but his photos are what really set him apart from the Twitter crowd.
5 retweets and I don’t have to take any finals! pic.twitter.com/8PtoiCoIoM— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) May 12, 2014
2. ELLE DEBARGE
At last check Elle has 6,500 followers. Yet she has a long list of tweets that have more than 1,000 retweets. This just doesn’t make sense. She is way too funny to go undiscovered for much longer.
I’ll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like “Damn, that name’s way cooler.”— Noël Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) May 1, 2014
Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video!— Noël Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) March 5, 2014
*clicks on “Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?”*
Haha whoops wrong video but LET’S HEAR IT OUT
I hesitate to put a mystery Twitter account at #1 but Brent is just too funny to keep from touching the top spot. I mean, he has a bear surfing a shark away from a tornado as an avatar. What’s better than that? Oh right, his tweets. I don’t think he’s ever pressed send on a bad one. And that, kids, is why he’s the funniest Twitter account of 2014.
what’s on your back?— brent (@murrman5) October 8, 2014
“it’s a japanese sword used…you know what *takes back résumé* I don’t think I wanna work here”
“dad can I get a tattoo?”— brent (@murrman5) November 6, 2014
[10 minutes later]
out of curiosity, what did you wanna get?
“dinosaur revving a dirtbike”
I’ll ask your mother
Matt is the senior humor editor at Playboy.com. He apologizes if his opinions don’t line up with yours. You can yell at him (or praise him?!?) on Twitter: @mattsurely.
Note: the account snorklhuahua was on the original top 50 list but as of 'print’ time, this account was deactivated :(.