These days everyone is on the lookout for simple, cheap, or clever ways to increase efficiency. Lucky for us, Redditers have been busy coming up with some inventive new Life Hacks that will change the way you live! CAUTION: These are jokes! Please don’t try them and become a news story.

1. Save money on expensive binoculars by just standing closer to the object you want to look at.

2. Avoid disappointment by modifying your desires to be your current situation.

3. If you’re drowning, pretend you’re dead. The water will think you’re a corpse and you’ll float to the top!

4. One 44 gallon drum of hydrochloric acid diluted will take care of your mouthwash needs for, well, eternity.

5. Microwave your spoon to cut right through that rock hard ice cream!

6. Use the metal part of your seat belt to open beers while driving.

7. Put pedals on your wheelchair so your arms don’t get tired.

8. Get your drugs for free by simply running away.

9. Use toothpaste as lube for masturbating to give yourself a refreshing and tingly sensation.

10. Shoot yourself with small caliber bullets so you can gain an immunity to larger ones. Helpful in the event of a home invasion!

11. When you’re downloading a file, flip your screen sideways so gravity helps the download.

12. To avoid getting costly parking tickets, just take the windshield wipers off of your car. Not just the wiper blade, but the whole arm as well. This will stop police from being able to give you a ticket, so you can park pretty much anywhere for as long as you’d like.

13. If your plugs keep bending, try straightening out the outlet with a fork. This also works better if the fork is wet so it can slide in easier.