Anyone who has seen “Seinfeld” knows that the characters on the show aren’t necessarily the best people on Earth. A common theme often involved the main protagonists splitting from their significant others due to the most petty and ridiculous reasons. When prompted by a fellow Redditor, these folks shared their own unreasonable reasons for breaking up…and they are GOLD, JERRY! GOLD!
It was 4 days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn’t break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift and I wasn’t willing to make a 34-day commitment to the relationship.
She walked too slow. We’d go out somewhere and walk down the street and I’d turn around and she’s like 20 feet behind me.
I was out shopping with a girl and we stopped in at the Gap. She picked out a skirt or some pants or whatever, and when she went up to pay for them, the woman at the register asked her if she needed a pair of matching socks. My girlfriend happily said “Yes,” and I thought that totally unacceptable, that she could be so quickly and easily swayed to make yet another purchase. It was SHOCKING to me.
I once broke up with a girl because she couldn’t ever decide on something. I would say, "Lets go to the movies” and I’d even ask what movie she wanted to see, and she would NEVER make up her mind. Drove me nuts. Turns out she had another boyfriend, and when I confronted her about it, she told me “She couldn’t decide between the two of us.”
She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving. Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree.
She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her “travels to the grocery store” or “my travels to Yosemite”. I ended it cause I said I needed space, last thing she said to me was “good luck on your travels.”
She wouldn’t change the volume on the TV to an even number. I mean how hard is it to put the TV on 30 instead of 29.
She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn’t know the words until she HEARD them.
She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat. I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonalds to get nugs/fries.
She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique. You can’t take someone like that anywhere.
11. The Sweet Tooth
She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee. Would leave clumps of coffee sugar.
She walked like a T. Rex.
13. The Early Gifter
She bought me a sweater and showed up at my work to give it to me. We had only been dating for a week or so.
She had lower self-esteem than me. No one has lower self-esteem than me. NO ONE, JERRY!
She wore the same deodorant as my mother does.
16. The Pea Hoarder
She ate her peas one at time. One at a time!
17. The TiVo Misuser
When she watched shows on the DVR she wouldn’t fast forward through the commercials.
She’d wait until she had the bartender’s attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.
I left my ex because she would never clear the leftover time on the microwave.