Girlwatcher - Boob Police is Here

Hooray for Paré

What do you get when you put John Cusack, Clark Duke, Rob Corddry and Craig Robinson in a time-traveling hot tub? If you said "a good movie," you might be wrong. What if they sweeten the deal with Chevy Chase, Crispin Glover and William ("Sweep the leg, Johnny") Zabka? Nope, still not buying it. How about Jessica Paré and her excellent nakedness? Okay, we'll give that a watch. How do we know that long-lost Jessica's nakedness is excellent? Because it's in the trailer for the movie—have a look at Egotastic.

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Today's Girlwatcher Questionnaire: Ashlyn Letizzia

Ashlyn Letizzia is a finalist for Special Editions Model of the Year. Should you vote for her? Of course you should! She collects Playboy paraphernalia, is a whiz of a hairdresser and usually wakes up naked—learn even more about her in our Girlwatcher Questionnaire.

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America loves Smirnoff. What a country

Hollywood Tuna has Karina Smirnoff doing what is now known as "The Jessica Alba bikini pose." Epic pass.

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In Soviet Russia, Alessandra Ambrosio's ass ogles you

Meanwhile, Alessandra Ambrosio struck a pose not totally unlike "The Jessica Alba bikini pose," and did so with aplomb. You pass, too, Miss Ambrosio. This time.

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Good fortune

Would you believe there is a Frenchman, using the name "MrZappingTV," who posts video clips of PG sexiness taken from European TV? Of course you would, because this is the Internet and, moreover, he is French. The dude opened his YouTube account a month ago and has already uploaded a few hundred clips—bien joué, monsieur. In among the celebrities is a curious mini-genre of French Wheel of Fortune cleavage. Apparently this is how the game is played over there. Here's Giada putting both self-potatoes (you know, self-potatoes) into it. Thank you, MrZappingTV:

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We're with this

What a mess NBC made of its late-night lineup! As the grassroots, Conan O'Brien-supporting campaign spread its "I'm With Coco" message far and wide, we couldn't help but think of Ice-T's wife, Nicole "Coco" Austin. We realize that Conan inspires a tender loyalty among his fans, and that he is like an adopted crazy older uncle they they want to protect, but really—"Coco" is a wussy nickname to be putting on signs and websites. And it doesn't make us think of a lanky Irish funnyman so much as giant gangsta buns. On a related note, but just barely, here's the video of Coco taking a shower, just in case you missed it. If you like giant wet gangsta buns pressed against glass...this video is for you.

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The good kind of trouble

Not into the giant wet gangsta buns pressed against glass? How about giant wet Swedish boobs doing same kinda thing? You might remember this from the early days of Cinemax: "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble," from Kentucky Fried Movie. That's Uschi Digard, Russ Meyer favorite and big-busted superstar of the 1970s, doing the big smoosh. Every Girlwatcher ought to be aware of Ms. Digard, so take a few moments and do some research at Big Breast Archive, an indispensible resource for this sort of smut.

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Universally appealing

Just to continue the thought here...if you don't like Coco's giant gangsta buns or Uschi's giant Swedish boobs—if, say, you like your women to be less bulbous, we have one more video. The latest from the AVP (Association of Volleyball Players) Dancers. If you don't like Coco, Uschi, or this—you're on the wrong page, my friend. Perhaps you were looking for Grillwatcher? Gullwatcher? We don't even want to know.

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Foxy follower: Natasha Yi

We were delighted to find @NatashaYi in our @grlwtchr followers. Special Editions fans might remember her from a ways back—like, a decade ago, when she was voted one of readers' favorite models. She hasn't lost a step—check out this video on her website, "Why We Rock."

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A Special Comment

One of our favorite guilty attractions, the well-endowed Meghan McCain—daughter of John and blogger for The Daily Beast—has gotten herself in trouble before for her breasty online antics. With this new column, she gets her latest obsession off her chest: "America's Boob Police" by Meghan McCain. McCain addresses recent media coverage of big boobies and tries to puzzle out what she calls "the double standard for double Ds." She states early on that "lately I’ve noticed a more celebratory and mainstream acceptance of women who undergo augmentation surgery versus those of us whose breasts come from nature."

Whoa there, Meghan—really? We'll buy that augmentation grows more accepted with each passing minute, but does that mean that naturally busty babes under some kind of attack? The examples she cites are surgery all-star Heidi Montag, ever-abundant Christina Hendricks and the always swelling, sometimes swollen Jessica Simpson. Here’s our two cents. True, Heidi Montag’s latest adventures in plastic surgery are over the top, but the coverage that got the most buzz was that People cover story that called her "addicted," which pissed her off. Then there's Christina Hendricks, who was called a "big girl" by an unnamed stylist on a New York Times blog. It was a dumb thing to write, even if "big" was stylist shorthand for "big-breasted" (which it might have been). More importantly, consider the source: a fashion stylist. Christina Hendricks was hands-down the sexiest thing on that red carpet, and 90 percent of straight American males would agree. Don't think catty fashion stylists, whose ideal feminine figure is closer to Twiggy's (hah) than yours, speak for anyone but themselves. Then there's Jessica Simpson—she's become a punching bag because of her fluctuating weight and her romantic mishaps, sure. So virtually any time she is photographed in public, Internet snickering is bound to ensue. But to draw the conclusion that she's catching guff for having big natural breasts and wouldn't if they were fake is a bit bizarre. The "Internet jokes" detailed on Us Weekly's site are a little crass, but they're not mean. Most American men like large breasts.

Meghan wonders, "Would everyone be so offended and insulted if her breasts were fake?" Who's offended? Who's insulted? We've gone on about it long enough. In summary, Christina Hendricks's big natural boobs: Good. Jessica Simpson's big natural boobs: Good. Heidi Montag's big fake boobs: Not necessarily bad. (Recall the classic male response to dispargement of fake boobs: "If you can touch them, they're real.") Hell, we'll even say Meghan McCain's big natural boobs: Good. Fire: Still bad.

For nostalgia's sake, check out Heidi's pre-plastic surgery pics in the Cyber Club.

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