Girlwatcher - Tails from the Celeb World

Katy Perry at the MTV EMAs

Katy Perry was in fine form at the recent MTV Europe Music Awards, running through sexy and silly outfits as if she were the love child of Madonna and Elton John. Was this her sexiest outfit? Lingerie with "Rusty" across the arse, a tender tribute to her boyfriend Russell Brand. Aww...

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Today's Girlwatcher Questionnaire: Felicia Gomez

Cyber Girl Felicia Gomez doesn't work out, doesn't cook, can't swim, doesn't have to wear a bra and doesn't like to wear panties. Negativity can be so sexy.

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We read you loud and clear

Last week we were all lathered up about Jennifer Love Hewitt dressed as a Playboy Bunny for Halloween. And before we're even out of the first week of November, look what she does: a stripper-pole scene on Ghost Whisperer. Lovey, baby, are you trying to tell us something?

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Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes was having a great time on the red carpet at the Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans premiere. Look—there's Ice-T with his lovely wife, Coco! "A perfect distraction," thought her right nipple. "Now's my chance to slip out."

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More Katy Perry at the MTV EMAs

Or was this Katy Perry's sexiest MTV EMA getup—a very skimpy top in a fleshy color that kinda-almost makes it look like she's naked, accented by light-up nipples?

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Fish in a barrel. Sexy fish

Asylum picks the Best Playboy covers of the 1970s. Some excellent choices, though it's hard to go wrong with that amazing decade. Enjoy Asylum's picks, but be sure to peruse our full archive for more '70s schwing.

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Today's exceptionally busty Japanese babe is Maria Yumeno

Brought to you by the tobacco industry. Remember, cigarettes make you look cool—add that to naked, busty and Asian and you can pretty much rule the world. Enjoy many pictures of Maria at Bobx.

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Please and spank you

Katy Perry, Eva Mendes, Jennifer Love Hewitt—today's column is packed tighter than ever with quality celebrity tail, isn't it? Yet when we're talking quality celebrity tail, there is that one that stands cheeks-n-coinslot above the rest, isn't there? Yes, Jessica Alba's. Gee, if only there were a widely-circulated video clip of Jessica Alba's flawless booty to share with you—that really would make this the greatest Christmas ever. Holy shit, here she is, Jessica Alba getting spanked on her bare bottom by Casey Affleck. What abundance today. What naughty abundance.

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A public service announcement from the NHS, the CDC and Girlwatcher

Prepare yourself for sucky thoughts like this: Hot naked babes with swine flu. Sucky, right? The lovely lady with the snouty sickness is Katie-Marie Cork, a slightly-neglected Britbabe who tells us via Facebook she's laid up with the possible pandemic du jour. Don't know Katie-Marie? Here's a crash course. She was a Page 3 Girl in British tabloid The Sun, having finished runner-up to Sam Cooke in the 2006 Page 3 Idol competition. (Page 3 Idol is like American Idol but topless, females-only and no singing; the Sam Cooke who won it is not Sam Cooke of "Twistin' the Night Away" fame, it's this Sam Cooke.) These days her natural gifts are on display in the Daily Star. And why not? Look how good she looks sans clothing here at the Page 3 Lodge and on her official site and in the most recent Zoo magazine. (Bored? Course you are! Play a silly bra-removing game featuring Katie-Marie and Kitty Lea.) Statistically speaking, we are likely to hear of many more beautiful not-remotely-swinish ladies catching this swine flu. Katie-Marie, we wish you a swift recovery, and we envy the chap who gets to stir your chicken soup.

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Even more Katy Perry at the MTV EMAs

This was Katy Perry's sexiest MTV EMA moment: In a see-through top, adjusting her giant breasts. A big hand to the fellow who turned a few seconds of footage into this hypnotic minute-long video. Boobs go up, boobs go down. Boobs go up, boobs go down. Boobs go up, etc.:

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