Chinese Democracy

After 15 years of lineup iterations and mystery-cloaked sessions, Chinese Democracy is here. So, is it the hard-rock masterpiece fans waited (and waited) for? Hardly. Think of it as the aural equivalent of a Michael Bay flick, technically proficient, totally soulless and filled with the worst trends modern technology has wrought. (Credit Bay this: At least the Hollywood hack craps out his overblown action epics at a pretty good clip.) Neo-industrial drum loops, lame metal tropes, ear-punishing over-compression: The only thing that differentiates “Better,” “Scraped” or “Shackler’s Revenge” from a host of ’80s rock poseurs is Axl Rose’s trademark wail. As for the power-ballads—and there are a lot of them, from the piano-heavy banality of “Street of Dreams” to the epic schlock of “There Was a Time,” “This I Love” and “Sorry”—they recalibrate the very notion of excess, bringing to mind what the two Use Your Illusion albums might have been like without the help of Izzy Stradlin or Slash’s solos. Of course, those two are long gone (Axl is the only member left of GNR’s original lineup), and Chinese finds the frontman spelunking the depths of his psyche and bellybutton in one silly swoop.