The Sex Toy That Doesn’t Look Like One. Hello Touch Vibrator, Reviewed

By Jason & Megan

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The Sex Toy That Doesn’t Look Like One. Hello Touch Vibrator, Reviewed:

Welcome to The Test Bed, a bi-weekly series where couples try out high-tech sex toys—curated by pleasure marketplace My Secret Luxury—and then discuss what happened over G-chat. This week’s toy: Jimmyjane’s Hello Touch, which “Jason,” a filmmaker, and “Meagan,” a writer, used during a recent weekend getaway.

“The Hello Touch is the only sex toy that puts the vibration right at your fingertips,” explains My Secret Luxury founder Stacy Rybchin. “It can be used externally to stimulate the clitoris—or the penis or even the neck—and internally to stimulate the G-spot. It’s discreet and looks nothing like a sex toy, which can be less intimidating, and makes some people feel like a sexual cyborg.”

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

MEAGAN: The packaging is fairly gender-neutral—no pink or girly font. Though the hand on the cover looks like a woman’s.

JASON: The box doesn’t even look like a sex toy. It looks like some kind of Bluetooth device.

MEAGAN: It’s also not coded for sexual activity—sorta like how Brookstone markets their “personal massagers.”

JASON: Once we took it out of the packaging, it looks like a pair of headphones with a mini-iPod for your wrist and intuitive on/off symbols. The basic idea is that it gives you two vibrating fingertips. There’s a soft, cloth wristband with a little pocket for the controls and two wires coming out of it with silicone finger-pads. The pads attach to your fingers with little stretchy silicone straps.

FOR HIM

JASON: Well, it was pretty amazing.

MEAGAN: Haha. We pretty much started with it right away—like, “Welp, I guess we should put this thing on now.”

JASON: You kinda have to, cause it takes a while to put on.

MEAGAN: I put it on first, and you really liked it!

JASON: It doesn’t do much for other body parts, like the chest or stomach. Normally, I like when you touch me there with your fingertips, but the vibrations didn’t really do anything.

MEAGAN: But you loved it when I touched your balls and shaft with it.

JASON: It was intense. I thought it was going to feel weird—like that kicked-in-the-balls kind of feeling. But it wasn’t like that at all. As soon as you started using it down there, it was like, “Whoaaaaa!!!”

MEAGAN: There wasn’t even much foreplay because you wanted to have sex right away.

JASON: And that’s not my style. Even when you were touching yourself, it felt good for me. It kind of created a buffer, like the way atoms don’t really touch each other; they just vibrate around each other. There was just an extra energy there. I’m telling you, Hello Touch is the vibrator for a dude. They should do one with all five fingers.

FOR HER

MEAGAN: I had low expectations because I used it alone and barely felt anything! I was like, “This is bullshit.” But it was different when we were already having sex, and I was really turned on.

JASON: And you usually touch yourself during sex anyway…

MEAGAN: Exactly. This sort of accelerated things. I wouldn’t say it was, like, a better orgasm or a more intense orgasm, but it made it happen much faster.

JASON: I feel like it’d be good to push you over the top if you’re not quite getting there—both for women and men.

MEAGAN: It felt nice when you were touching my nipples with it during foreplay. Well, maybe not RIGHT on my nipples, but around them.

JASON: But when we were spooning and I went down to touch you, you were like, “It would be great if you touched my clit.” I thought I was! The silicone pads sometimes make it difficult to know what you’re touching. It felt like I was playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey—blindfold and all.

MEAGAN: I definitely think it’s easier for a woman to use it on herself during sex. Doggy style is the best position if a guy is using it on a woman.

JASON: I felt like a robot person. It felt like I had superpowers.

THE FINAL VERDICT

JASON: My main criticism is that it was hard to get on. I broke one of the finger attachments and had to duct tape it. That kinda sucked.

MEAGAN: Also, it’s definitely not the kind of thing you can trade off while having sex, like a vibrator. One person has to commit to it the whole time. It also made my fingers feel kinda weird. It wasn’t too tight, but it was a little bit of a distraction when I wasn’t using it on either you or me. At times, I forgot to turn it off. Then it was like, “Hmm, what’s that annoying sensation? Oh, right.”

JASON: But stopping to turn it off would be weird, too. It’d be like adjusting your watch in the middle of sex.

MEAGAN: You have to admit, though, it’s comfortable on your wrist. And so quiet. I mean, we’ve used vibrators during sex, and I almost can’t concentrate unless we have the AC on to drown out the noise. I literally couldn’t hear this thing. So it doesn’t sound like a sex toy or look like one either.

JASON: Is that a good thing?

MEAGAN: Well, at least there won’t be any embarrassing run-ins with TSA.


This article was originally published on Kinja on March 17, 2014.


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