Women: can’t live with them, can’t avoid going through life without encountering a few psychotic ones. There’s lots of weirdos in the world and most of them are hard to avoid. Check out this list of some of the most bizarre women ever encountered by Reddit users:
I was having lunch with a couple of friends when a woman my mother’s age sat down next to me at our table and started rambling about how beautiful she thought my face was. She asked me if she could touch my face. I told her no, but she proceeded to grope my face anyway. Suddenly she started to violently lick my nose and trying to tongue me in my nostrils. A waiter pulled her off me and dragged her out of the restaurant. She waited for me outside, took a picture of me when I left the restaurant over an hour later, and quickly drove off.
There was a 45-55 year old woman that got friendly with me at work and would talk with me almost daily at lunch. One day she told me she murdered a man. She told me that it was her ex-husband and he was abusive to her and she killed him with a shovel and buried him in the woods. She claimed no one ever found his body. About two sentences later she tells me, “I want to take you home, tie you upside down between two metal poles and pour hot oil up your ass.”
When I was 8, a girl gave me a biscuit tin with her piss and a toy hot wheels car inside.
My ex said she saw dead people. At a party she said there was a dead man in the house wanting us to get out. She sat on the bathroom floor for 20 minutes staring into nothing. Then she let out a big breath, lowered her head and started crying.
Her text messages went from, “Hey what’s up?” to “I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT ALWAYS IGNORING ME YOU DONT EVEN LOVE ME,” while I was taking a 15 min shit and I forgot my phone.
Stayed in a hostel with a whole bunch of my classmates since it was much cheaper than a hotel. First few nights we were hanging out in the common room, playing drinking games. There was this older Asian woman who would float from group to group trying to join in and steal a beer or two. 5 of my buddies and these 4 Aussies decide to play Kings (or Kings Cup). Well, the Asian lady joined. She pulled a king. We explained the rule and gave her some examples. She takes a few seconds to think and looks directly at me and says, “Take off your pants!” The Asian woman then starts yelling other things at me. “Show me your butt! Let me see cock! Give me dance!” We ended up kicking her out of the game and then she was kicked out of the hostel the next day because she was sneaking into other people’s rooms at night.
Crazy Tinder girl finds out my address and phone number, breaks into my apartment while I’m sleeping, and waits for me to wake up.
My ex wife was a registered nurse, and manipulated my prescriptions. She changed the dosage, and called the prescription to Walgreens as though she were my physician. I got very sick from it, and when I realized what was happening I left, and asked for a divorce. Her attorney placed a restraining order on the $250,000 life insurance policy I had with her as beneficiary, and I was forced to pay the premiums until the divorce was final.
The first vagina I ever saw belonged to a 70 year old exhibitionist.
When I was 14 or 15, my best friend’s mom would always say weird, overtly sexual stuff to me. She once told me that if she was 20 years younger she would “rail me in a heartbeat.” She got it in her head somehow that I loved hard boiled eggs, so whenever she knew she was going to see me, she would bring me a hard boiled egg. Sometimes she made my friend (her son) carry around an egg all day at school to give me.
As she removed her clothes she folded them in very particular and precise ways and placed them on the coffee table in an obvious pattern and order. She did the same thing to my clothes, but she insisted I keep on only the black vest. She was fiercely whispering lengthy strings of Italian in my ear. One phrase was repeated over and over: Brigate Nere. Every inch of the walls and ceiling that could be covered with a poster or picture…were covered with a poster or picture. All were black and white. The settings, clothing and equipment suggested there were taken in Italy in the early 1940s. I started backing out of the room and she fucking snapped. She lunged toward me while screaming in Italian. Her demeanor didn’t change, but she switched to English and started babbling about Black Brigades, Italian Fascism and reincarnation.
She says, “Everyone that gets cancer has done something evil in their past to deserve it. It’s like bad karma.”
My ex. She wanted to have sex with a minor because she liked the idea of the kid’s awkward first time. She would find saved drafts of text messages in my cell phone and then finish them and send them to herself and then ask me why I would send things like that to her. Imagined a twin brother and always talked about how he committed suicide, intentionally would get herself as emotionally worked up as she could so she’d disassociate. Almost got us involved with a cult…
She cursed at me, hit me, would cry while I went down on her and would hold my head even when I tried to stop. She began lying about where she was going and ended up getting pregnant by a guy she met at a park 3 cities away. I drive her to her abortion and she berated me the whole way home, telling me if I paid more attention to her, she wouldn’t have fucked someone else.
She says that she’d like to meet up with me that night. So we decide upon going to grab a coffee at Starbucks. Then she mentions that I’ll have to come pick her up. When I asked why, she said it was because her ex-fiancee bashed in her tail-lights with a baseball bat, and she’s afraid of getting pulled over by the cops because she carries a pistol without a permit. Why’s that? Because she works for a secret underground hacker syndicate, and they pay her in disposable credit cards to remain traceless. She mentioned that her best friends in the world were two black guys who worked for the Syndicate, and lived/worked out of her walk-in closet. She looked at me and said, “They’re only there when I close my eyes, but they go away when I’m awake.”
The ghost masturbator. My neighbor. She never leaves the apartment. She masturbates ALL the time, which is audible also through the wall.
As I was saying hello her friend turns to me, stares me in the eyes, then says, “You have baby skin,” and proceeded to run her hand down my face
I ended things with a girl I had dated who had a key to my apartment, which she refused to give back to me. She broke into my apartment while I was at work, covered my walls with kraft cheese singles, cranked the heat and turned on the oven at 400.
The girl who contacted me after a one night stand that she would be returning all my stuff by courier. I had no idea how much she had stolen from my house when I got it back. She also included a 30-40 page photo album of photos she took of me sleeping.
On our first date she leaned across the booth and said, in a voice halfway between normal speech and a whisper, “I want to touch your face like a blind person.”
I had a girlfriend break up with me because her grandma’s horse died.
Her name was Rose and she wouldn’t stop trying to give me an orange.