41 Hilarious Short Jokes That Take Seconds to Tell

By Wes Van Horn

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41 Hilarious Short Jokes That Take Seconds to Tell: Photo Credit: National Review

Photo Credit: National Review

Every joke can be boiled down to two elements: the setup and the punchline. For example: What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper!

(Pause for laughter)

Ok, that’s not a good example. But we’ve collected 42 jokes that prove quality is more important than quantity in humor.

1. meowmoo5

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.

2. shenry1313

Shout out to the people who want to know what the opposite of in is.

3. Banaboy

My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo.

4. Quinnsicle

Why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

5. julesk

Buddhist approaches hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

6. ImAnEagle

"This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."

7. housechore

When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

8. Cherrubim

I dated a girl once with a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it I swear you could smell the ocean.

9. ras_jorge

What should you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man.

10. bungle123

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

11. richmana

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.

12. purplehayes1986

What did the gay deer say leaving the bar? I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there.

13. DadamLevine

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they take everything literally.

14. a_torbs

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...

15. gentle_bender

How come Hitler never drank? Because it made him mean.

16. maffmoff

The thing about steak humour is that it's a rare medium well done.

17. me_fgt

A man came into the hospital with a plastic horse stuck up his arse, his condition was stable.

18. snarfelgarfel

Jurisprudence fetishist gets off on technicality.

19. ScubaSteeeve

6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy.

20. dannyboy98

Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "That's a little condescending."

21. CuntyMcshitballs

A man with two left feet buys a pair of flip flips.

22. Barkalow

A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, but you mean your mother.

23. morgrath

Two nuns are riding their bicycles through a small village. One says to the other, "Oh, I haven't come this way before." The other nun turns to her and says, "It must be the cobblestones."

24. Howaboutnope_

Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their pecker’s on their head.

25. hero0fwar

Interview: "What is your greatest weakness?" "Honesty." "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a fuck what you think."

26. Adrew19

A horse walks into a bar... Many people leave seeing the potential danger in the situation.

27. osage_sage

A guy came into a bar, wait no, a horse...a guy came into a horse.

28. DerkERRJobs

How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

29. thebarzangi

It's really confusing when sentences don't end the way you think they octopus.

30. hananiganz

They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan. Then you can get there through his vagina.

31. sometimesimakemovies

This thesaurus is terrible. It's also terrible.

32. lo4952

An agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

33. MahlertheBaller

I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, like the people in his car.

34. Baron_Wobblyhorse

My grandfather had his tongue shot off in the war. Never, ever talked about it though.

35. RTW1115

Guy asks for a book on suicide. Librarian says, "Fuck you, you aren't going to return it."

36. BadWolffie

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb? ...Wanna ride bikes?!

37. fraxinous

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

38. tnargsnave

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. First in says, "Boy it's hot in here." Second one says, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!"

39. astroconomist

A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre, so the bartender gives it to her.

40. tOSU_AV

You heard about the new Chris Brown doll? Battery's included.

41. shakypiss

What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.


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