Fourth of July celebrates our country’s independence, a holiday that brings out our reddest, whitest, and bluest of clothes, though predominantly narrowed down to bikinis, board shorts, and bandanas. Throughout this three-day weekend, you will attend at least one barbecue, though likely several. The chances of everything going as well as you hope, with everyone day-drinking in the hot sun, is unlikely at best. People will argue, people will annoy, and acquaintances will spiral into uncomfortable oblivion and take you down with them.