Dating is difficult. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to go out with someone you hardly know for a night on the town, and after reading these Reddit horror stories, you may never do it again. Staying home with your cat, Meowcolm X, and watching Netflix isn’t so bad.
We texted and talked on the phone then arranged to meet at a restaurant/bar. He was cute but definitely bitter about something. He was from California and apparently didn’t like this new city we were in. He started talking about sex and blowjobs and complaining about how uptight everyone here is about sex. He invited the waitress to a party his company was throwing, after sending back the French fries he ordered. I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis. We walked out of the restaurant together to get our cars from the valet. My car came first and I left. He texted me later that he had my sweater (apparently I dropped it on the way out) and if I wanted to see it again I’d have to hang out with him.
She had brought her friend along (a 16 year old; I was 22; She was 20). To compound that, her friend had brought her toddler along. Oh, and her friend brought another friend. So here I am with 3 girls and a toddler that I don’t know. All three of the girls had brought Monster energy into the restaurant with them. We sat down at the table and it just went downhill from there. The toddler ran out of juice in her sippy cup, so the mom filled it with Monster.
Asked her to grab breakfast that weekend, she accepted. Picked her up, took her to a hole in the wall diner, ordered the garden omelet. Throughout the meal she talked about all the shit she was in to. Breath play, being dominated, being hit (but not too hard), whips and cuffs. As Kevin Hart would say, she was getting too kinky too fast. Got the check, realized my wallet was in my gym bag from the night before. I apologized, she paid for us both, and I took her back to her place. She invited me in, and I couldn’t refuse as she had just bought me a meal. An hour later, after the dirtiest sex of my life up to that point, we were lying in bed when she gets a text and panics. “Oh my god, you have to leave! My boyfriend got off work early and if he finds us he’ll kick me out!”
Guy told me he just recently got out of a long-term relationship so he wasn’t looking for a commitment but asked me if he could be my “maintenance man” as he stroked his penis through his jeans.
He was more than three hours late, and was texting me telling me that he was 20 minutes away for two of those hours. As soon as he arrived he tried to tell me to leave the part of the venue/dive bar I’d already paid in to so we could go where he wanted, tried to start a fight with a friend I’d happened to run into, and called my aunt (who’d talked me into going out with him in the first place) a “cockblocking bitch.”
I walk up and see this very cute ginger wearing a suit dress. We chat for a bit: turns out she works at a bank, likes what I like, and is totally up for getting dinner this weekend! Great! Saturday evening rolls around and I swing by her place to pick her up. Out her door walks a girl who looks remarkably like said date only instead of professional office clothes, she is wearing 4 inch platform ho boots, fishnet stockings, some sort of corset like top and spiky hair. Now normally I don’t really care about a person’s style, but I was a bit taken aback.
Everything is going great! She’s laughing at my jokes and her humor seems to match mine perfectly. We head inside and order dinner. I have a scotch and she orders the biggest boot (this restaurant has glass boots) of bud light I’ve ever seen. The waiter comes over and takes our order. As he’s leaving, my date whispers rather loudly, “I can’t believe they let his people in such a classy place. We should probably check our food for spit before we eat it.” Our waiter is black and has ears… So I am beginning to panic. She continues her whispered commentary on the supremacy of whites all the while putting away an obscene (but impressive) quantity of beer. Dinner arrives and she makes a point of checking her plate for saliva. Waiter and I make eye contact and I like to think that he understood that I agreed with him that this girl was nuts. So three more boots of beer later, she excuses herself for a bathroom break while I take care of the check. I apologize profusely to the waiter for my date’s conduct. In MY car she pulls out a cigarette and lights up. Doesn’t even bother putting the window down. "We should go shooting out at my dad’s farm!
His brakes give out and we end up having an accident. We ran into the back of a truck pretty hard and I jerk forward, glasses flying off. He asks if I’m okay, I said sure and I’m looking for my glasses and he goes, "Oh this is bad, really bad.” So, I said “Why? No insurance?” He says, “No, I have a warrant for my arrest.” He gets out the car and runs. As he’s running into the sunset, he’s yelling back at me “I’m really sorry, I can’t afford to go to jail again.”
She hung out in my parking lot for two hours after she dropped me off “In case I changed my mind about doing something after dinner.”
9. Wait, what?
…And now he’s in jail awaiting trial for murder in LA. It was all over the news a few months ago.
Went on a blind date with a lady who wouldn’t stop picking at her scabs. Just made a pile out of them on the restaurant table. I excused myself to use the washroom and when I came back my soup was there, but the pile of scabs wasn’t.
July 10th, 2013…I dropped my keys in the toilet that day and was late for work.
He then turned suddenly into a Denny’s parking lot…