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The Everyday Jobs Horror Stars Have When They’re Not Killing People

We all have seen the movies, legions of teens being hacked and slashed to pieces by deranged maniacs, but how are these horror superstars spending their days when they’re not slaughtering people? What the heck is Jason up to on Friday the 14th? Or Saturday the 15th for that matter? Surely he has to fund his vast collection of vintage hockey masks with a day job. Well, we found out.


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photo courtesy of New Line Cinema

FREDDY KRUEGER
When Freddy isn’t invading your dreams he is invading your Tumblr dashboard with his incredibly popular makeup and fashion tutorials. This blogger can show you how your skin can go from seared to flawless with only a bit of concealer and liquid foundation. His bladed fingers serve as a built-in selfie stick that he often uses to show off his fabulous striped sweater and fedora combo that has been all the rage this season!

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photo courtesy of Warner Bros.

REGAN MACNEIL (THE EXORCIST)
Regan is now known to her preschooler students as Ms. MacNeil. Her 360-degree spinning head allows her keep a close eye on those crafty little diaper goblins, plus she’s used to being surrounded in vomit.

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photo courtesy of Cinemarque Entertainment BV

PINHEAD
After finding out the pins in his head had the ability to regenerate, Pinhead opened a quite profitable tailor shop in the shape of the Lament Configuration called ‘Cenobaste’. Having pins in your head has finally come in handy for something other than getting a job at Hot Topic.

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photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures

JASON VOORHEES
The only establishment that would accept a cook who refuses to take off his hockey mask was McDonald’s, but after a few incompetent workers went missing Jason went on to stock shelves at Dick’s Sporting Goods. He does it mostly for the discounts on sportswear and machetes.

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photo courtesy of Compass International Pictures

MICHAEL MYERS
Michael moved out to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of acting. While there he landed the wonderful roles as the International Man of Mystery, the voice of Shrek, and other far less funny films.

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photo courtesy of New Line Cinema

LEATHERFACE
Leatherface figured out a way to really corner the rural Texas market by opening up the first ever taxidermy and barbeque joint. Any creature you find… You bring it in, we skin it and slather it in our world famous BBQ rub, no questions asked.

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photo courtesy of Dimension Films

GHOSTFACE (SCREAM)
You know that one guy who is always overly impressed by the absolutely useless Shamwow in the infomercials? Ghostface’s stroke-inflicted expression has found its place on the small screen.

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photo courtesy of Green/Epstein Productions

PENNYWISE
Everyone’s favorite clown is now a watercraft salesman in Florida! He can be seen regularly on public television sporting his usual makeup, selling yachts by the boatload with his trademark slogan “They all float.”

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photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures

DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE
Having both a split personality disorder and being literally two-faced could only lead to one profession, a politician. The doctor can be seen campaigning around rural Louisiana with his patented slogan, “Don’t Heckle the Jekyll.”

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photo courtesy of DreamWorks SKG

SAMARA MORGAN (THE RING)
After tube televisions were phased out and Samara found she could no longer fit inside the new wave of ultra-thin TV’s, she turned to the adult industry. Samara is actually quite successful, most commonly using the alias “Sasha Grey.”

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