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How to Help Her Have the Ultimate Orgasm – From a Woman Who Knows

How to Help Her Have the Ultimate Orgasm – From a Woman Who Knows: © Cultura Creative (RF) / Alamy

© Cultura Creative (RF) / Alamy

You don’t make a woman come. You read that right. Sex is – or should be – about pleasure. Your role is to facilitate her ability to come. Not make her come. That is a dangerous misnomer. An ultimate orgasm comes from her, not from anyone else. It comes from her letting go, giving in and being 100 percent present in her body.

The key is putting your own pleasure on hold – an investment that will only make sex better for you, and more on that in a second. For a woman to have an ultimate orgasm she needs to be completely and utterly engaged, and so do you. For most women an ultimate orgasm is a blended orgasm; that means that nerve endings in several yummy spots are all being ignited at the same time.

Smart guys know that the more satisfied the woman, the more enthusiastic she is about satisfying her partner. That’s why I’m so keen on the ultimate orgasm. You help your girl to one of those, and she’ll be saying thank you in all your favorite ways.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, keep in mind that taking your time, and being in the right setting, are paramount. Environment matters. Women need to feel safe, relaxed and comfortable in order to orgasm.

Here’s how you can be a part of making any girl thank her lucky stars that she’s with you:

1. TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING BETWEEN HER LEGS
Most women are extremely turned on by kissing. Think mouth, neck, shoulders and breasts. A little sucking and biting doesn’t hurt. Just take it easy at first and read her body language.

2. TOUCH HER EVERYWHERE BUT…
Position yourself between her legs so that you have full access to her pussy. Massage and kiss her thighs. Massage her outer lips, being cautious not to open her or touch her clit. Build-up is key here. The longer you can keep her thinking, “Please, God, let him touch my clit before I go mad,” the more explosive her orgasm is likely to be.

3. TAKE HER ALL IN
Once she is pushing her hips up toward you and her breathing gets heavy, spread open her outer lips and take a minute to take in the sights. Women love being admired.

Knowing that our partner cannot wait to touch and taste us makes us feel desirable and allows us to dismiss our inhibitions.

4. THINK LOCALLY, ACT ORALLY
The tongue is the clit’s best friend. It’s wet and warm and super-agile. Start with long, slow vertical strokes, and then increase the speed and pressure as she begins to respond.

Every woman is different. So ask and/or experiment with sucking, licking and biting in a variety of patterns with varying speed and pressure.

Related Video: The Truth About Orgasms

5. THE CLIT IS THE STAR
Understandably, for men, the vagina is mecca for their orgasm. But for women, the vagina plays a supporting role. Once her clit is involved, slide one finger inside her (add more later if she likes). But don’t stop attending to her clit with your mouth and tongue. Keeping the clit stimulated is key.

Start with a slow in and out motion, and then experiment with depths and speed. About two inches in will get you to the g-zone, which is thrilling to some women and not a thing for others. Use a curved finger and a come-hither motion.

You can also access the A spot, which is much deeper in and can lead to squirting. But not all women get off on deep penetration. Pay attention. Experiment. Let her guide you.

6. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK
“How does that feel?” “Do you want more?” “Would you like it faster?” Being catered to is very sexy, and being asked what we want is a huge turn-on.

7. CONSIDER THE BACK DOOR
OK, I know, this is a contentious issue. But that secret spot is home to many, many nerve endings. You may want to lightly touch the opening and ask, “Is this OK?” That way you show her that it doesn’t gross you out and that you respect her boundaries and desires.

8. GIVE HER A BLENDED ORGASM SHE WON’T SOON FORGET
With two or three fingers inside her vagina; one finger in or playing with the opening to her ass; and your mouth (or a vibrator) on her clit, keep pace with what her body is telling you. Talk to her. Tell her you love her body and the way she moves. Encourage her to breathe and let go.

Above all else: follow her lead.

She may come in one giant rush or experience a giddy, prolonged orgasm. She may come and be spent. Or she may be ready to come again straight away. This is her orgasm. You create the path. But it’s her journey to have.

Your role is to enjoy the ride.


Photo via Steph Grant

Photo via Steph Grant

Jenny Block is a freelance sex and lifestyle writer and the author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm (Cleis, August 2015). You can find her at www.jennyonthepage.com.

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