Twitter Facebook Instagram Google+ Tumblr YouTube E-Mail WhatsApp Sign In Check Close snapchat
Search
Exit Clear

This Is How to Respond to Weekly Progress Report Requests

This Is How to Respond to Weekly Progress Report Requests:

To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Weekly Report Reminder

May this serve as a friendly reminder to please send in your weekly report at the earliest convenience.


To: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
From: joed@playboy.com
Subject: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Sorry. Almost forgot. Here ya go…

  • 100 percent lunch break participation

  • 3-for-4 with 5 RBI in company softball scrimmage (with 6 putouts at shortstop)

  • Executed branded cross-channel synergy something something

Cheers,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Ha ha ha. Very funny.

Seriously. Need your report.

Thanks.


To: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
From: joed@playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Right. Of course. Sorry. I actually got quite a bit done this week. To wit:

  • Decreased the company’s increasing rate of increasing decreases

  • Set ambitious number of achievable and unachievable past and future goals

  • Maximized product minimalizations for maximal minimalism

Salutations good mam,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

We’re all getting a kick out of these. But we need your report to include for our weekly roundup for the CFO. Thanks.


To: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
From: joed@playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

OK, for reals, yo…

  • Communicated with various team members about stuff

  • Was NOT the reason the handicap stall in the men’s room is now OUT OF ORDER (It was Matt)

  • Shared that video of Oprah wizzing for 10 minutes with the CEO (he loved it) link: https://youtu.be/1Wgj8Uuze5s

Hugs and butt rubs,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

That video is not appropriate. Neither are many of your responses here.

PLEASE LIST THREE THINGS YOU ACCOMPLISHED THIS WEEK.

THANK YOU.


To: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
From: joed@playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

  • Thought about filling out weekly report

  • Filled out weekly report

  • Sent in weekly report

Very corporately yours,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

God damn it.


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

That’s inappropriate language, Carol.

All business,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Did you do anything this week? I’m trying to be a friend here. Just list three things you did this week. Please. I don’t even care. They can be anything.


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

OK OK OK, enough funning around. You’re right. You’re just trying to help. I guess I just resent having to explain to everyone what I do, so it can be quantified in some heartless manner by the data-heads who determine our financial destiny around here. But you can’t objectively judge great art. You can’t look at a Picasso and say, “This painting achieved 70 percent of its annual goals.” Who can listen to a song and gauge its quality based on its “ability to clearly communicate across multiple teams in order to achieve stakeholder buy-in”? What I’m saying is, who are any of you to judge me and my art? When you label me you negate me. I am not one of your sheeple. My work speaks for itself. I stand by it. History is my only judge.

The voice of a rising generation,
Joe


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Dude.

You’re an admin asst.


To: joed@playboy.com
From: AdminSupportTeam@Playboy.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weekly Report Reminder

Respect the fucking art of it, Carol.

The Struggle is Real,
Joe

Playboy Social

Never miss an issue. Subscribe and save today!

Loading...