No matter how much janitorial staff members get made fun of for their profession, they deal with some pretty sick s***. Don’t think your day could suck more? Imagine what these people are getting their hands dirty with on a daily basis. More WTF.
I used to work custodial at a summer camp and it never failed that at least once every other week the kids decided it would be hilarious for all of them to take a collective poo. They would all go to one stall and poo one after the other without flushing. Eventually, there would reach a point where the water to poo ratio would flip and there would be more poo in the toilet that they would then leave for us at night to clean. The only thing more disgusting than the smell of poo on top of poo on top of poo is having to clean it up.
READING THE SIGNS ON THE WALL
I worked at a high school for a few months and one of my jobs was to clean the women’s restroom. In the last stall, I found someone has scrawled a pentagram onto the wall… in blood. This being a women’s restroom, that left me a fairly clear idea where it might have come from. But I did my job and cleaned it up. A couple weeks later I go to clean the restroom and guess what I found? Another pentagram in blood. And I continued to find them every couple weeks for the next 6 months.
WHEN THE STALLS ARE OCCUPIED
I worked in a mall in Nanaimo British Columbia. I mainly cleaned the floors in the early morning and washrooms through the day. I’ve seen all the typical poo artists writing on walls etc.
But one day there was a full turd in the men’s bathroom sink.
Someone had to have sat on the counter and pushed one out during regular mall hours. Anyone could have walked in. And there was no toilet paper in the sink or near by… I radioed security to come check it out cause I wasn’t sure what to do and when the guy showed up he lost it and was swearing and super pissed off…. I just sprayed it with heavy duty cleaners and left the tap running until it went away…. but really who poos in a mall sink?!
DON’T EAT ROAD KILL
Janitor at vet hospital. A dog came in on emergency with a distended stomach. After meds were given, he threw up half an opossum, in bits. I threw up for twenty minutes after helping mop up.
PEOPLE OF WAL-MART
When I was janitorial at Wal-Mart, I had to clean one of the most unholy messes I have ever seen. It was a Saturday like any other, I was messing around in the back trying to look busy, and I get a page to the front bathrooms for a mess. I thought it was something minor, maybe a spill, full trash, etc. BUT NO. I get up there and the Spanish lady that I was working with was walking out of there gagging. So I mentally prepare myself for what I am about to see. I walk in with my cart, open the stall and I see what I can only imagine is what hell looks like. It looks as if someone had exploded diarrhea F—ING EVERYWHERE. Just climbed to the ceiling like some sort of white trash Spiderman, and let lose. It was horrifying, and of course I was the only one who could clean it, the other folks couldn’t stand the smell without puking. So I manned up and got to it. It took almost an hour, and a whole jug of bleach, and I got it clean. That was about the point I realized 7.70 an hour isn’t nearly enough to deal with that.
Movie Theatre. Twilight Releases. Separate occasions.
Team Jacob written in poo in a woman’s restroom stall.
Next release? Team Edward written in period blood in a woman’s restroom stall.
CARTMAN SIZED DUMP
I once worked for a restaurant chain and I had to, by hand with an industrial trash bag over my arm, remove roughly 5 lbs. of solidified (like a brick) poo from the U-bend of a toilet that I can only assume was placed there by hand given that the person who caused this also jammed half of a roll of paper towels into the front of the U-bend. After doing so I had to walk through a lobby that was at maximum capacity with a trash can full of random consistencies of poo that I could still smell although I had slathered more vick’s under my nose than an over-the top bukkake video could dream of. I watched every single set of eyes in that lobby pierce my soul as I walked out to the compactor. I walked back in to clean the women’s restroom after I had dealt with the code brown in the men’s room only to find a perfect ass-print made of blood and discharge on the toilet seat and a torn set of viciously massacred panties that had been adhered to the front of the tampon disposal bin by a pad that was literally black due to rot and then repeated the same process of walking through the lobby but instead with a heap of uterine decay in the bag rather than fecal.
BONO SIZED DUMP
When I was a kid I did maintenance for the county park system, in a women’s restroom at the home base park we started the day at, someone left a turd the length and almost width of a loaf of bread. It was bent and you could tell they tried their hardest to flush it. We called several guys over the radio to drive over and see this thing. Then we used a piece of wood to finally chop it up and flush it down for good.
I’ve never seen a poo that big since, and I’ve always wondered how something like that could even be passed.
THE PHANTOM DICK ARTIST
We had two weeks of nonstop penis’s being drawn in black sharpie EVERYWHERE. The lockers, walls, floor, mirrors, library books, desks, windows and even the ceiling had these hastily drawn dicks scribbled on them. In a SINGLE day I counted 134 in one girls bathroom, we had six of them in this high school and they all were COVERED. Well, after filing complaints with the VP and Principle we now had the entire staff on the lookout. Two weeks pass of this and finally the day of judgment came, the bandit was apprehended!
It was this little cute freshmen girl, little nerdy and shy. We had theses plans of making her do all this clean up, trash work, cleaning up after football games- the works. Once my boss saw that it was this innocent looking wolf in sheep’s clothing he backed down and just told her to not do it again and to just run along. So anticlimactic.