Houston Texan’s J.J. Watt seems to have a very uh, wide definition of what “minimalist” means when it comes to architecture. The defensive end told the Houston Chronicle in January that his new minimalist cabin in Wisconsin, supposedly in the middle of no where, just had the bare essentials. “It’s really minimalistic,” he said. “There’s no frills…It’s just an empty space and a log cabin and snow.”

When someone says “minimalist cabin” I’m thinking like this.

But what Watt really meant is a cabin that seems like it’s in the woods with no neighbors and no actual amenities, but really he could drive to anything he wanted to. TMZ did some digging, and found out the cabin is only 32 miles from Milwaukee, 7.8 miles to the nearest Panera Bread (like, you still need that in the depth of nature, right?), 17.6 miles from the nearest Buffalo Wild Wings and only 15 miles from Pewaukee, where he graduated from high school.

This is what Watt thinks “mininalist” looks like…courtesy of Busted Coverage who dug out the photos.

A detached garage with its own kitchen

A pretty nice bathroom with marble countertops

Picture perfect landscaping. Not to mention, nice garage spaces

Two more kitchens, because why not?

Additional living rooms with fireplaces

And a study….

Shaking my damn head, J.J. Your minimalist is most people’s dreams.