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Just the Tips: How to Get Over Small Penis Anxiety

Just the Tips: How to Get Over Small Penis Anxiety: © Rui Santos / Alamy

© Rui Santos / Alamy

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Hello Katherine, my name is Greg. I was wondering how do I get over the insecurities of having a small penis? If you can give me any advice at all it would help me out very greatly.Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Dearest Greg,

In my experience, the small penis casts a long shadow in the lives of many men. And as they say, to get rid of a shadow you must shine a light on all sides. I appreciate that you’ve already recognized that your problem is not, in fact, that you have a small penis but rather, that you have an insecurity about your small penis.

There are so many things we don’t have control over and genitalia size is generally one of them. Luckily there are many ways to counter this insecurity, which is a bit of a battlefield of the mind. Greg, my captain, I’ve been behind enemy lines. I’ve conducted covert operations amongst some of the most attractive hetero ladies of New York City. Their “tips” and mine are here laid out before you.

1. Know your enemy.

Now, there are women who are “size queens” of course, just as there are men who are only attracted to women with large breasts. Or long legs. Or 24-year-old French girls. We all have our proclivities. Some women may write you off for having a small penis but many more women will write you off for being insecure about your small penis.

2. Add other arrows to your bedroom quiver.

Get really into giving head. I would recommend this to, well, pretty much anyone. My friend—a 25-year-old with the sex appeal of Manet’s Olympia and a Mariah-Carey-circa-1996 body—told me: “I was recently dating a Micro-D and let me tell you, it was the best head of my life. No competition.” You two should probably grab a drink sometime.

3. Diversify the Artillery.

Be open to additions to the bedroom—toys, etc. If this comes up, go with it. Better yet, suggest it. (For many suggestions, check out Playboy’s sex toy reviews.)

4. Avoid Battles You Can’t Win.

Don’t get scammed. Penis-englargment surgery can result in infections, nerve damage, reduced sensitivity, and difficulty getting an erection. Mail order pills and ointments do not work. These measures will certainly create mental problems if you’re not honest about why you’re doing it. I suspect you may have seen ads. I don’t really trust the science they’re touting. Most people would rather date a small penis than somebody so easily swayed by advertising.

5. Adopt a strategy of “Distract and Awe.”

Another woman, a self-described “size queen,” with a high-powered lawyer job and a Mona-Lisa smile, said that the best thing about her small penis encounter was that “it was all about me at first. Any revulsion I would have felt passed because I was already fully turned on—so it was no biggie.” No biggie, indeed. She described this as a “distract and awe” strategy.

It’s a terrible idea to get too in your head about strategy, so take this advice with caution. However, showing you know what you’re doing from the get-go can be highly effective for setting your partner at ease.

6. Know Your Strengths.

I mean look, you’re a worthwhile person. Remember that. Another friend—a happily married forty-year-old with skin like Boticelli’s Venus—remembers that her first love was "kinda small.” Did she mind? “No. I liked hanging out with him,” she told me. Most women would rather be in bed with a small dick then in a conversation with a huge asshole. Use that to your advantage.

7. Nobody has ever fallen in love with a dick pic.

Great sex rarely results from great anatomy. Great paintings result from great anatomy and weird photos sometimes result from great dicks. Find other parts of your body to love—do you have great hands? A fantastic widow’s peak? An excellent set of collar bones? Then go beyond that. Remember, “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,” and so much of desire and eroticism has to do with the feelings and energies that happen around the act of sex, not the act itself. What makes you great in bed is everything except your penis, no matter how big or small it is.

8. Narrow the playing field.

I.e. Find a small Vagina. This is sort of weird, because, you don’t really know it until it’s happening, but vaginas, like penises, come in different shapes and sizes. Some women prefer a more relaxed fit. I mean, maybe you’ve been with a lot of women with big vaginas. As Larry David said once, “Think of it biologically, why shouldn’t there be as many big vaginas as there are small penises?”

9. Assess your partner’s weaknesses.

Look, we all have something—bad teeth, chubby waist, disproportionately long arms, six toes. Sometimes meeting somebody who also has had to overcome something about their physical appearance (i.e. pretty much everybody) and talking about it can actually help you relax about the thing you’re insecure about.

10. Fuck ’Em.

If you start thinking you’re great, generally other people will as well. And if they don’t, screw em. Or, you know…don’t.

I would also remind you that sex is not in fact something you can conquer. Play to play; not to win. You’ll have more fun.

xK


Just the Tips is Playboy.com’s weekly advice column, with professional matchmaker Katherine Cooper. Have a question for Katherine about sex, love or dating? Shoot her a note at justthetips@playboy.com.


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