Donald Trump and Weekly Standard editor William Kristol do not like each other. One of these two men has won 1,237 delegates and is the presumptive nominee for the GOP. The other is the head of a teeny, tiny neocon dynasty and has a history of advocating for ill-conceived wars and being wrong about what will happen in politics and every other human institution.

Kristol’s amazing history of wrongness makes it all the more hilarious that he has declared himself determined to start a third party rather than support Trump or pinch his nose and vote for fellow hawk Hillary Clinton. His new party appears to have been dubbed “The Renegade Party” in honor of a gross article that called Kristol a “Renegade Jew,” thereby proving that feeling vaguely defensive of Kristol is actually possible, if only because the alt-right is full of literal Nazis.

If initial reports are to be trusted, Kristol wants National Review writer, lawyer and Iraq war veteran David French to be his candidate. French, who has his own history of writing terrible garbage, has yet to confirm that this is all actually happening. He is, however, according to his Twitter, coyly “humbled by and grateful for the many expressions of support.”

But what’s so grotesque about Billy Kristol, the man whom Trump called “a loser” in response to his most recent third party threats?

Let’s take a short trip through the history of a man who is both aggressively wrong about everything and keen on aggression in nearly all domestic and international spheres. A journey through the mind of a man whose early suggestion for an alt-Trump ticket was the terrifying team-up of former Vice President Dick Cheney and current Senator (unfortunately) Tom Cotton.

  • Kristol thought gay rights would peak in 1993.
  • He said Hillary Clinton would trounce Barack Obama in 2008.
  • In fact, he predicted Obama would not win a single primary.
  • He thought Sarah Palin was a brilliant choice of vice president for Sen. John McCain.
  • The war in Iraq would be cheap, fast (two months long by one declaration) and successful. It would help reform the oppressive regimes in Iran and Saudi Arabia somehow.
  • Every step of the way, actually, Kristol was wrong about Iraq, and as of 2015 thought it was still a good idea.
  • Said Vice President Joe Biden would jump in the 2016 race.
  • Incorrectly predicted Trump’s demise as a candidate.

There’s more, but you get the point, and it would be funny if his positions and predictions didn’t endanger so many lives.

Kristol is always hungry to go to war with Iran. In fact, however much conflict America is engaged in, it is never enough for him. Every time diplomacy is used, or invasions don’t happen, it is exactly like appeasing Hitler. Everyone not currently bombing something might as well be Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain circa 1938.

Hell, we shouldn’t even call America’s wars wars. They are too awesome to be dubbed anything except “liberations.” Kristol is so bored by the death and destruction wrought by war that his response to Obama’s Libyan Invasion was a lazy “good for him”. Sometimes Kristol even contradicts his earlier statements, such as the time in 2006 when he said Iraq had dissolved into civil war and then in 2007 said it hadn’t.

With his feeble attempt at a brand new Renegade Party, the warmonger is ready to fail spectacularly at putting together a #NeverTrump alternative. French is a milder version of Kristol’s right-wing lunacy, but the fact that he comes Kristol-endorsed means that French is both more awful than he seems and more likely to implode in hilarious fashion if he actually attempts to run.

To be fair to Kristol (just this once), third parties face K2-levels of daunting difficulties in American politics, but this is such a goddamned weird election year that the chances of his seemingly still-imaginary party making a difference feel higher than they might be.

But still, dude, it’s not going to happen. Whether or not French even wants to be your little president, it is not going to happen. You get points for consistently hating Trump while your fellow conservatives mostly ended up licking his tiny, tiny hands. But you’ve also been consistently jazzed about bombing places and warring on drugs for your entire adult life, and you don’t really get points for any of that. Or, come to think of it, for frantically predicting the demise of Donald Trump’s candidacy for the past ten months, dismissing the GOP frontrunner until it was too late.

Lucy Steigerwald is a contributing editor for Twitter: @lucystag.

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