On Memorial Day weekend, a pair of cunning and calculated thieves broke into luxury sex-toy retailer LELO’s warehouse not once but twice, escaping with 30,000 condoms and a gaggle of other sultry items.

The sex-toy manufacturer is still crunching numbers to determine the total value of the stolen goods, but Stu Nugent, LELO’s Brand Communications Manager tells Playboy that the haul “came in at 30,000 HEX™ condoms, 33 HUGO™ remote control prostate massagers, 44 LUNA™ Bead ben wa balls and a mystery box that we haven’t identified yet. These guys stole the world’s best orgy ever.”

The two-part heist, which, we have to admit, would make for a pretty great premise for an Ocean’s 11 sequel, began Friday evening after LELO closed its warehouse for the weekend. Around 8 p.m., security camera footage (below) captured two men entering the warehouse through a back gate and inconspicuously parading away with two shipping boxes filled with the company’s coveted HEX condoms. Each box contained 15,120 individually wrapped rubbers.

Some 30,000 condoms apparently weren’t enough to satiate the debauched duo’s sexual appetites, so these same guys—at least that’s what LELO lightheartedly surmises in a blog post recalling the robbery—returned the following day around 10:30 a.m, smashing through the warehouse’s loading dock, where one of the perps grabbed three boxes of sex toys and hurled them into the back of a car.

“We never quite thought it would happen like this,” Nugent says. “Smashing a rental car through the warehouse doors and stuffing boxes through a broken window? There’s an unexpected kind of violence to it that we didn’t think we’d ever encounter.”

By the time police arrived, the culprits had fled. Now, LELO is asking for the public’s help in identifying the criminals and returning the stolen property. “What are these guys planning to do with the loot?” Nugent wonders. “You going to become a door-to-door dildo salesman? How are you going to fence 50 vibrating butt plugs? They’re not going to trust Joe Buttplug and his suspiciously damaged LELO boxes.”

In terms of monetary value, LELO estimates the culprits stole around $40,000 worth of items in the two raids, including damages. “Whatever the final number is, that’s the number we’ll donate to a charity chosen by the person or people who help catch these slippery little fellas,” Nugent adds.

Officials at the Las Vegas Police Department confirmed that two burglary reports were taken at the warehouse on Friday and Saturday. Both cases remain under investigation.

But the question remains: Did these perverse perps know what they were grabbing, or did they notice an empty warehouse and snatched whatever they could? “My personal feeling is that no, they didn’t know for certain,” Nugent says. “It’s possible they knew what HEX™ condoms are, as they’ve been in the news a lot since they launched in 2016, but I think the rest was blind luck.“
He asks, "I wonder what Playboy readers think after seeing the footage—did they have a game plan?” See for yourself below.