Lesbians are borne from male desire, not because women are sexually attracted to one another. This is the conclusion of a recent, controversial and seemingly out-of-touch report titled “The Evolution of Female Same-sex Attraction: The Male Choice Hypothesis.”

This research, led by Menelaos Apostolou, an assistant professor at the University of Nicosia in Cyprus, is based on a poll of 1,509 heterosexual participants. That’s right: research on the origins of lesbianism neglected to include a single gay woman. “About half of the men in the sample reported that they would become sexually excited if their opposite-sex partners revealed to them that they experienced same-sex attraction,” the paper reports.

Obviously, this half-baked research is brewing backlash online, much of which argues that the evidence Apostolou’s team gathered doesn’t even come close to supporting his rather obscure hypothesis—a necessity in scientific claims.

“The paper totally ignores a lot of other possible hypotheses and makes claims that are really not supported by the evidence they provide,” Diana Fleischman, a psychologist at the University of Portsmouth told International Business Times.

So far, Apostolou is holding his paper’s position, insisting it’s a “solid argument.” He told Pink News, “A considerable proportion of men desire same-sex attractions in women, and this is one possible reason why many women have such attractions.” His results deduced that 34 percent of men prefer a partner who is predominantly attracted to members of the opposite sex but are “occasionally” attracted toward the same sex. The same answer was provided by only eight percent of women.

Because women aren’t attracted to guys who fuck other men on occasion, this means that lesbianism is must boil down to an insidious plan to lure men (and themselves) into a heteronormative lifestyle that society supports.

One reason they speculate same-sex attraction is so appealing to men is—surprise!to stroke his ego. Researchers believe a woman’s sexual interest in women is appealing to men because it increases his odds of becoming a father, since two women cannot biologically create a zygote. “When this woman has sex with another woma, she does not have sex with another man, which translates into same-sex contact reducing the risk of cuckoldry,” the report reads.

Another factor researchers say supports their conclusion is that men in short-term relationships are twice as likely to find women who dabble in same-sex exploits attractive compared to men in long-term liaisons.

Again, this makes female bisexuality sound like pagentry rather than a legitimate orientation, which, of course, it is. “The publication of my theory gives the opportunity for a fruitful academic dialogue, where another scholar may attempt to refute, alter, or expand it and replicate my findings,” Apostalou, who generously gave himself the title of scholar, said.

Following the backlash, Apostolou has acknowledged that further research is needed to better understand same-sex attraction. Duh.

Research from the University of Essex on same-sex relationships recently explored a similar subject, which proved to be as irresponsibly assumptive. Of his research, wherein women were shown videos of naked men and women, Dr. Gerulf Rieger (a man) concluded that “even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight.” You see that? Never. A woman can never be straight.

Yet again, this same result wasn’t true for men, either because male homosexuality is unfairly targeted or because male researchers are just super fascinated by lesbians—or both. Let’s go with both.