The Imbiber: London Falling

Friends, we're going to have a little chat about gin this week. Partly because gin is the least understood bottle in the bar, and it's partly because it's one of the most subtle and beguiling spirits available. But it's mainly because your friendly neighborhood Imbiber has just returned from the soggy shores of England, where the stuff gets consumed like it's stupidity and you're watching The Hills. I spent a whole lot of time soaking it in with the folks who understand it best, and am ready to pass on the benefits to you without the attendant liver damage.

On a side note, I also made an important discovery on this trip. Contrary to popular belief, if a drunk falls in the middle of a forest, it does make a sound. That sound is a sort of keening wail followed by repeated requests for my mommy.

But back to gin, which though it's now heavily associated with the UK, was actually invented by the Dutch. They dubbed it "jenever," a name which was promptly shortened by a drunk englishman. It's the same thing the Brits did when they co-opted Madonna and started calling her Madge. The only difference is gin doesn't adopt foreign babies or look like beef jerky.

Yes, unlike Madonna, Gin is sophisticated. Its secret shame, of course, is that it's actually the world's first flavored vodka - a neutral grain spirit that's distilled a second time with juniper and other botanicals. The diverse mix of botanicals is what makes each brand a rare and delicate flower. And you know how I like flowers.

To get the lowdown on the best way to use the stuff I went to Nick Strangeway, who, in addition to having the coolest name in the western world, was crowned International Bartender of the Year at the 2008 Tales of the Cocktail festival in New Orleans (the adult beverage industry's Oscars). Strangeway currently plies his trade at a London steakhouse called The Hawksmoor, and his specialty is punch. I went there. I drank his punch. I was moved to tears. The man, he has a gift. Also, punch makes me a tad weepy. Which is why we'll let Nick explain its virtues.

One of Strangeway's favorite brands is Plymouth, the only gin in the world with its own appellation controlee - Plymouth Dry. That means by law Plymouth Gin may only be produced within the city of Plymouth in Southwest England. The water is what makes Plymouth so tasty, Strangeway tells me. Apparently the River Dart runs through peat over granite, imparting interesting minerals. Plus, they use excellent juniper berries that grow wild on Italian hillsides. Here's a great gin-based recipe from Nick for the next time you want to get a large crowd drunk in your house: mix 2 parts Beefeater Dry, 1 Part Lemon & bitter orange sorbet, 1 part Fresh Lemon Juice, 1 Part Pineapple Syrup, and 3 Parts Chilled Sencha Green Tea on ice in a punchbowl, then top with 2 parts Prosecco or demi-sec Champagne and garnish with sliced lemon, orange and pineapple.

In the interest of furthering my research I also spent several pleasant hours boozing at the improbably well-stocked bar in the cozy offices of IP Bartenders in Notting Hill. IP stands for International Playboy, so you can see why your Imbiber would be naturally drawn to such a place. It was also a chance to kick it with one of the UK's most well-known, charismatic and munificent bartenders, the inimitable Ben Reed. Ben made a name for himself running The Met Bar in the 1990s, where Liam Gallagher and Kate Moss used to get caught behaving badly. He then went on to write the fantastic drinks book Cool Cocktails, host a spirits show on the BBC called Shaker Maker, and pen the "Barfly" column for the Saturday Times. Busy dude, but it's justified. Just look at the way he shakes a cocktail.

While whipping up his favorite gin-based concoction, the Self Starter (1 oz. Beefeater, 2 tsp. Lillet, 1 tsp. Apricot brandy and three drops of Pernod shaken over ice and strained into a cocktail glass), I ask Ben what he likes most about gin. He says its all about the mixability. “You can mix gin with just about anything,” he says. “Even cereal. Want some?”

Christ, I've got to get the hell out of England.

Look, there’s a reason that in Casablanca Humphrey Bogart doesn't lament about all the “passion-fruit flavored vodka joints in the world." In the days before the pansy-ass, annoyatini-drinking Sex in the City fans took over the bar scene, Gin used to be the most popular clear spirit on the planet. It’s classic. Timeless. And if you give it a chance, it's likely to surprise you. Taste some Hendricks alongside Plymouth and see for yourself just how different one premium brand can be from another. Note how the former shows sweetness up front, yet is absolutely dry at the finish. And the Plymouth, well, it’s sharp and citrusy and complex. I fancy it the kind of balls-out booze F. Scott Fitzgerald would have cherished on the way to drinking himself dead.

On top of that, gin and tonics have been scientifically proven to make women hornier than a  famous now-British songbird at an Hispanic dance club. Trust me on this. I’ve done the research. Makes ‘em feel like virgins. Touched for the very first time. Just like those sweet innocent nymphs on The Hills.

For more of Dan's boozy travels, see playboy.com/imbiber