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Man Documents All of His Wife’s Excuses Not to Have Sex, Presents Findings

There are no hard and fast rules to having a successful marriage, but we’re willing to bet that you should never, ever make an Excel spreadsheet of your wife’s excuses not to have sex with you and then show it to her.

Apparently, one very ridiculous man did exactly that: he emailed her the document while she was en route to the airport. The wife wrote:

I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my ‘excuses,’ using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.

Here’s the spreadsheet, which reveals a conspicuous lack of perceptivity. (Maybe, if she keeps saying she doesn’t want to have sex before she’s showered…ask her after?) But that’s just the opinion of one writer who has access to data regarding your marital sex life.

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I think it’s safe to say that if this man’s wife didn’t want to have sex with him before, she surely does not want to now. Really nice work, buddy.

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