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Masturbation Is Good for You, According to My New Favorite Doctors

Masturbation Is Good for You, According to My New Favorite Doctors: Here's a completely unrelated pic from Ali Corbin's twitter account that has nothing to do with masturbation.

Here's a completely unrelated pic from Ali Corbin's twitter account that has nothing to do with masturbation.

Please stop masturbating. I have an important announcement: Masturbation is good for you.

That is all. You may proceed. Or for those of you with self control, feel free to keep reading.

According a new article by Spring Chenoa Cooper and Anthony Santella of the University of Sydney, regular masturbation has many health-related benefits for both men and women.

For women, masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process.

Masturbation can lower risk of type-2 diabetes (though this association may also be explained by greater overall health), reduce insomnia through hormonal and tension release, and increase pelvic floor strength through the contractions that happen during orgasm.

For men, masturbation helps reduce risk of prostate cancer, probably by giving the prostate a chance to flush out potential cancer-causing agents.

Masturbation also improves immune functioning by increasing cortisol levels, which can regulate immune functioning in small doses. It also reduces depression by increasing the amount of endorphins in the bloodstream.

Masturbation can also indirectly prevent infertility by protecting people from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) that can lead to infertility – you can’t give yourself one of these infections!

And there are plenty of additional benefits from orgasms generally, including reduced stress, reduced blood pressure, increased self-esteem, and reduced pain.

Trust them. They’re doctors. Of course, when I say “doctors,” I mean they each have a Ph.D. They’re not medical doctors, or anything. But whatever. This is the best news you’ve heard all year, so don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Here

Here’s a completely unrelated pic of NBC’s Chuck Todd that has nothing to do with masturbation.

It’s important to note that while the article mentioned several benefits of masturbation, it listed no specific benefit to masturbating while riding the city bus, so knock it off. And while the benefits of masturbation are well documented, Catholics still run the risk of burning in hell for all eternity, which is a pretty high price to pay for a healthier prostate.


Jason Mathews is Internetting way too hard. Follow him at @jasonmathews316.

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