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McDonald’s is About to Make Your Drunken Dreams Come True With a New Service

McDonald’s is About to Make Your Drunken Dreams Come True With a New Service: Scott Olson / Getty

Scott Olson / Getty

McDonald’s is going through an evolution of sorts. They decided to offer full-day breakfasts for those who sleep in after 10:30 a.m., set up digital kiosks to order food in case you can’t withstand basic human interaction and now, they’re about to offer delivery service, so that drunkards can shovel in their obligatory late-night Big Mac before they pass out with lettuce scraps weaved into their facial hair.

The fast food restaurant stated on March 1 that it will be experimenting with different delivery models, which includes partnering with third-party delivery services like Uber throughout the world. “One of the most significant disruptions in the restaurant business today is the rapid increase in delivery,” the company said in a statement. “Coupled with the explosive growth in third-party delivery companies, the landscape has created an exceptional opportunity for growth.” But this comes at a time of strife for Ronald’s namesake. In 2016, McDonald’s shrank its US. .store count by 104 locations, making it the second year the iconic company had closed more stores than it opened in its home country. Since 2012, the company has lost more than 500 million customers and has noted a 2.1 percent decrease in guest count.

In McDonald’s largest markets (U.S., the U.K., Germany, Canada and France), three quarters of the population live within three miles of a brick-and-mortar location, which makes the restaurant an ideal candidate to become a global leader in delivery. But let’s face the facts: with Postmates and UberEats, fast-food delivery is hardly new and McDonald’s is actually playing catch-up. Fast-food establishments like Burger King and Panera also already offer delivery, the latter of which had cited the service increases a store’s sales by as much as $5,000 a week. In overseas markets like China, South Korea and Singapore, McDonald’s already offers delivery and relates sales were close to $1 billion in the last year alone. The service also helped grow business in China by an incredible 30 percent.

So now that we can expect delivery, is there anything else in the works from those under The Golden Arches? According to McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook, McDonald’s plans to become the “restaurant of the future” and will implement new technology like kiosks, table service, curbside check-in and mobile order and pay. With advancements like these, it would appear that the future of fast food is to cater to the incredibly lazy—and I’m A-Okay with that.

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