Mensa is an organization comprised of entirely of people who scored in the top 2 percent on a standardized IQ test. The members of this society know more about 19th century literature than most people know about using the bathroom.
But that doesn’t mean they know jackshit about good horror movies.
The geniuses at Mensa (literally, they are geniuses) released their list of their top 10 Halloween films and it’s not the best. Here’s what they chose:
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
The Shining (1980)
Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
- The Birds (1963)
No offense to these movies, but this list is about as scary as It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. All these films are classics and deserve to be watched and enjoyed. But if you’re trying to give yourself nightmares for weeks to come, these won’t cut it.
I mean, come on, The Birds? It’s a movie about angry crows. And while Aliens is fantastic, it’s really more of an action movie that doesn’t have the same “Turn down the lights and prepare to scream” appeal as the original.
It should also be noted that none of these movies were released after 1986. Apparently the past 28 years have provided exactly 0 films scarier than a black-and-white tall guy walking slowly around a town.
That’s right, Hannibal Lecter. Eat as many livers with fava beans as you want, an unborn baby’s way more terrifying.
Just watching The Ring can result in your death, but a man struggling to overcome the death of his elderly mother apparently induces more fear in the minds of Mensa.
Sorry, Ghostface. Apparently a high school girl on her period’s scarier than you disemboweling babysitters. (Ok, that one actually might be true.)
And this doesn’t even count The Exorcist, Evil Dead or Texas Chainsaw Massacre that are all legitimately frightening and meet Mensa’s requirement that the film be released prior to George Bush Sr. becoming president.
Mensa members will probably solve climate change, stop the Ebola crisis and create hovercars, but that doesn’t mean their know anything about horror movies.
If only there were a way to force them to watch some scarier flicks…
Joseph Misulonas is an intern for Playboy.com. He thinks Alien 3 has artistic merit. He can be found on Twitter at @jmisulonas.