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There’s an Xbox Onesie to Ensure You Never Get Laid

There’s an Xbox Onesie to Ensure You Never Get Laid: via Microsoft

via Microsoft

Gamers can get a bad rap as slothful individuals who never get off the couch and only exercise their thumbs. Well, this new onesie from Microsoft will do nothing to change any of those stereotypes.

Hatched by Xbox marketing folks in Australia, the onesie is designed to serve all a gamer’s needs. The hip pockets are oversized to easily store a controller. A pouch on your upper arm holds your phone in case you’re the kind of person that reaches into your pocket and can’t tell whether you’re pulling out a phone or a controller. There are also grips on the forearms so you don’t have to worry about your arms slipping off the sides of a chair or couch because that happens all the time. You can even have your Gamertag embroidered on the onesie. (Don’t embroider your real name unless you want to be exposed as someone who actually purchased an Xbox onesie.)

via Microsoft

via Microsoft

You can tell by the images that the Xbox team wanted the onesies to be viewed as unisex. But make no mistake, no woman would ever be caught dead in this thing. She also wouldn’t be caught dead with someone that owned one. So unless you want to spend your days alone (with the exception of the people you play Xbox Live with), we strongly suggest never stepping foot into this formless bunch of cloth.

Justin Tejada is a writer and editor based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter at @just_tejada and Instagram at @justin_tejada.

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