Since nobody takes a fortune cookie’s excessively optimistic message seriously, perhaps we should embrace the idea that the cookie itself shouldn’t be taken too seriously, either. That’s the idea behind the misfortune cookie, a confectionary innovation where, instead of eternal love or unimaginable wealth, you’re confronted with a steaming pile of graceless gloom.
The misfortune cookie, which has experienced considerable success in Europe and Australia since 2013, will be bringing their dark and decadent line of desserts to Canada and the U.S. (If you can’t wait to get your hands on a box, you can purchase them now on Amazon.). The messages on these misfortune cookies, as the name suggests, favor pessimism and brutal honesty over vague and bullish missives that aren’t at all applicable to any aspect of your life. So now, instead of reacting to your message with a raised brow and a nonchalent shrug, you can laugh at the misfortune cookies’ unapologetic crudeness.
These brutally honest biscuits hail from Southern Germany, where each individual cookie is proudly made by Pechkeks, a company that’s become known for its profitable pessimism on mugs, anti-greeting cards, combs, etc. The product currently retails for $1.58 each (which feature one of four Tim Burton-esque motifs on their packaging). If you prefer to buy in bulk, you could purchase their Misfortune Cookie Designbox of 13 for $13.72 or the Misfortune Cookies Monsterpack of four for $6.50.
The cookies, I should mention, are completely black to match the dark messages tucked within. Their anthology of brief misfortunes include insightful gems like: “Life is a symphony—and you’re playing the kazoo” and “At least I believe in you. Me, a piece of paper.” For the less fortunate, you may even receive a profoundly negative message like, “Things will get better. Sometimes. Maybe.”
When asked what we can expect in terms of taste, Andreas Pohl, the company’s CEO and founder said, “Similar to normal fortune cookies, but maybe a little bit better …We produce every two months, so we have fresh cookies in stock.“
Considering the political climate and its subsequent effects on American residents, it would seem that there is no better time to embrace Pechkeks’s pessimism. Besides, misfortune may be all we’ve got left, considering Donald Lau, the “Chief Fortune Writer” at Wonton Foods (the largest manufacturer of fortune cookies) has stepped down, citing writer’s block for his departure. Now if this isn’t a metaphor for the dire times we’re currently living in, I don’t know what is.