Newsfront: Tray Chic

Tray Chic

Thank you Wonkette, for alerting us to the Freedom Tray, the perfect Christmas gift for the obese tea-bagger in your life. Bedizened in red, white and blue, the tray can hold up to 75 pounds of fried foods. And as the FAQ informs us:

Is this a patriotic tray? The Freedom Tray is a tribute to the world class manufacturing and dedication of the hard working people of this country. We are proud that the Freedom Tray is completely made and manufactured in the USA with US-made materials. Also, as the name implies, the tray provides you the freedom to live an organized, spill-free and uncluttered life without changing your day-to-day routine.

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The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Troop

Hell, if the United States military offered heroic doses of psychedelics to its troops, they might not have any more problems meeting those enrollment targets. Enjoy this video from 1963 of British soldiers tripping balls on LSD. Ah, for the good ole days.

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Dying for Their Sins

Check out what the reverend Rick Warren, surely one of the more vile people currently ministering to the world, twittered two days ago!

Globally last yr 146,000 Christians were put to death because of their faith. No one, except Christians, said anything.

First of all, those 146,000 Christians (god only knows where that statistic came from) comprise approximately .002% of the current world population. So, yeah, big whoop.

And just consider the loving arms of Warren, a man whose global outreach has even touched Africa. Specifically consider Warren and several of his American cohorts, who have a long-standing alliance with the Ugandan Anglican church. And now consider the bill currently before the Ugandan parliament, to which these disciples of Christ have committed themselves, both openly and tacitly.

The law, proceeding through Uganda's Parliament and supported by some of its top leaders, would imprison anyone who knows of the existence of a gay or lesbian and fails to inform the police within 24 hours. It requires the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality”—defined as any sexual act between gays or lesbians in which one person has the HIV virus.

Where on God’s good earth could the sick thinking behind such a bill have come from? Christians of course!

Both opponents and supporters agree that the impetus for the a more hardline law came in March during a seminar in Kampala to "expose the truth behind homosexuality and the homosexual agenda". The main speakers were three US evangelists: Scott Lively, Don Schmierer and Caleb Lee Brundidge. Lively is a noted anti-gay activist and president of Defend the Family International, a conservative Christian association, while Schmierer is an author who works with "homosexual recovery groups." Brundidge is a "sexual reorientation coach" at the International Healing Foundation.

Or imagine if we had far less people like Katherine Lopez of National Review, who writes things like this:

[Notre Dame] will have Barack Obama as their commencement speaker this year on May 17, the White House announced today and Notre Dame just confirmed to NRO. That's shameful. Last week the president of the United States perpetrated an assault on human dignity.

Or a world without professional pederast Bishop Egan who said this of the Catholic Church’s sex abuse scandal:

"These things happen in such small numbers," Egan said in a 1999 deposition. "It's marvelous when you think of the hundreds and hundreds of priests and how very few have even been accused, and how very few have even come close to having anyone prove anything.

Or the flapping jowls of Bill Donohue, the president of the Catholic League, who wrote the following bullshit:

Sexual libertines, from the Marquis de Sade to radical gay activists, have sought to pervert society by acting out on their own perversions. What motivates them most of all is a pathological hatred of Christianity. They know, deep down, that what they are doing is wrong, and they shudder at the dreaded words, "Thou Shalt Not." But they continue with their death-style anyway.

The ancient Romans had it right. Throw them all to the lions—the world would be a far, far better place.

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The Hunter Becomes the Hunted

Has Glenn Beck become such a parody of himself that at this point Stephen Colbert does a better Glenn Beck than Glenn Beck can do? This clip doesn’t do anything to answer that question, but it’s good watching all the same.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
U.S. Army Chain of Command
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

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The Police Station of Babel

And from Connecticut comes this little Borges riddle wrapped in the police blotter:

A Montville man who has been charged with driving under the influence and hitting and killing a man in 2008, was arrested again Monday when he arrived at a local state police barracks to bond out his father. Jeffrey M. Socha, 23, of 3 Ventura Drive, was charged with driving with a suspended license.

Socha’s father, Joseph J. Socha, 55, of the same address, was arrested earlier Monday morning on a warrant that charged him with issuing a bad check, according to state police. The older Socha apparently wrote the check to cover the court fines and fees for his son.

Figured that one out yet? Read it again, the story should become even less coherent.