Newsfront: Dallas Never Dies

Dallas Never Dies

Until someone cooks up a connection between the CIA and Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor—actually never mind that, they already have.... Anyway, the JFK assassination will always remain the ne plus MKultra of conspiracy mongering, and if the CIA continues to withhold evidence, that doesn’t look likely to change.

Perhaps you thought the government had been more than forthcoming in opening their files on the case. Yeah, you’d be wrong. Sunday’s New York Times reports on the continuing hush-hush surrounding the events of nearly 50 years ago.

For six years, the agency has fought in federal court to keep secret hundreds of documents from 1963, when an anti-Castro Cuban group it paid clashed publicly with the soon-to-be assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald. The C.I.A. says it is only protecting legitimate secrets. But because of the agency’s history of stonewalling assassination inquiries, even researchers with no use for conspiracy thinking question its stance.

At what point in this decades-long debacle does reality start to more closely mimic a James Ellroy novel and less so the establishment histories? Because if we’re not there yet, we’re getting pretty damn close.

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Judge Dread

If you’re looking to feel violent and violently ill all at once, check out this uplifting tale from New Orleans.

A justice of the peace in Louisiana who has drawn widespread criticism for refusing to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple says he has no regrets about his decision.

"It's kind of hard to apologize for something that you really and truly feel down in your heart you haven't done wrong," Keith Bardwell told CNN affiliate WAFB on Saturday.

Bardwell, a justice of the peace for Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward, refused to issue a marriage license to Beth Humphrey, 30, and her boyfriend, Terence McKay, 32, both of Hammond.

Suddenly that whole right-wing rap about activist judges is starting to make sense to us. God knows little else does.

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The Ox-Bonehead Incident

When we first encountered the below video, we just assumed it was a joke—a good one, but nothing that was intended to be taken seriously. We were wrong.

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There’s Something’s Fishy Here

What exactly is the New York Times Styles section trying to say in the wedding announcement of Jessica Valenti and Andrew Golis?

JESSICA VALENTI, the feminist author who established herself with books (Full Frontal Feminism, He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut) and a Web site (Feministing), had little patience with traditional notions of brides and weddings.

A chapter of the first book is titled “My Big Fat Unnecessary Wedding and Other Dating Diseases.”

“Wedding fever is one of the scariest diseases I have ever seen,” she wrote. As for the diamonds that are supposed to accompany proposals, she said, “The only purpose of an engagement ring is to show you ‘belong’ to someone and your man makes bank.”

The article goes on to assure us that Mr. Golis is in possession of all the feminist bona fides. But then it offers this little anecdote about their first date.

Here also was a woman that he found impossible to say “no” to—as he learned that night when she insisted he try the ceviche. “I soldiered on,” said Mr. Golis, who has always detested “fishy fish.”

Perhaps our minds are in the gutter—strike that, they most certainly are—but might this tale of dining out have a more metaphorical import? And how well does this bode for the future of the happy couple? Still, we wish them all the best.

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You Send Me

Perhaps philately is outside the purview of the Playboy Forum, but if this is wrong, etc. etc. On January 7, 2010, the UK will release a set of stamps commemorating classic British album covers. Now admittedly, the stamps are meant to recognize the albums for their design—not the music—but still the quality of these choices deserves some recognition. The Clash’s London Calling (which actually cops its cover from an Elvis album), Blur’s Parklife, New Order’s Power Corruption and Lies…nice. And topping it all off is Primal Scream’s much-underrated classic Screamadelica? Incredible.

Just the thought of what America’s selections would look like is depressing. After having to write off any album that could possibly be construed as pro-drug, pro-premarital sex, or anti-establishment, even pabulum like Matchbox 20, Maroon 5 or Blink-182 would fail to make the cut.







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