Let’s face it, from September to January, all of your Sundays will be spent in a bar. It’s not that you’re an alcoholic (I assume) but you just want to watch all the NFL games surrounded by as many fans as possible. But why not make the most of your time there and try to find a new lover as well? To help you incorporate the two and combine your possible new girlfriend with her love of the gridiron, here are 14 NFL-themed pickup lines you can try out during the season.
Dang girl are you the Jacksonville Jaguars because your end zone looks completely untouched ;)
Ladies call me Tim Tebow because I insist on only doing one position even though I’m terrible at it ;)
Hey girl are you the Dallas Cowboys because your tight end is nowhere to be found, but your defense is terrible so maybe you’ll let me make out with you?
Dang girl are the Oakland Raiders because it feels like this thing was over before it even got started.
(If a girl is talking to everyone except you, try this) Hey girl, are you Tony Romo because your passes don’t seem to be going in the direction they’re supposed to go ;)
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Is your leg broken? You’re still probably more mobile than Mark Sanchez so can I buy you a drink?
You can call me Johnny Manziel because I’ve just been standing over here by myself waiting to get some action ;)
Ay girl are you Atlanta Falcon’s offense in 2013 because it looks like all the good parts are missing ;)
(If one girl turns you down, just turn to the girl next to her and say this) Now that RG3 is gone, you wanna be my Kirk Cousins ;)
(If you’ve been hitting on a girl for a while and she still seems uninterested, try this) You can call me Roger Goodell because I have no idea when to quit ;)
You can call me the New York Giants because I’m perfectly fine with being on the bottom.
Dang girl are you Bill Belichick because I feel like you’ve been secretly watching me this whole time ;)
You can call me Peyton Manning because I may be old and slow but at least you know I have pizza back at my place ;)
Are you the Minnesota Vikings backup runningback because I have no idea what your name is, but I want you on my fantasy team ;)
Rob is a writer and comedian based in Louisville, KY. Follow @robfee on Twitter.