Nike is currently valued at $32 billion—the most valuable apparel brand in the world—so it can do pretty much whatever the hell it wants and suffer minimal, if any, financial consequences. Therefore I will not make fun of Nike’s baffling new foray into workout jeans, because I will look very stupid when Nike inevitably sells lots and lots of workout jeans.
So, #factsonly: The Swoosh recently filed a patent for a fabric called “ath-denim,” or “architecturally reinforced denim,” or “denim joggers,” or “workout jeans.” According to HypeBeast, the patent touts a fabric that provides “high tenacity,” “moisture management” and “padding for shock absorption” in the rear, thigh and calf areas. All of this admittedly sounds pretty cool and fancy and sciencey and whatever, but then again, we’re talking about hypothetical workout jeans here.
Let’s ignore how these workout jeans look—mainly because no photos actually exist yet—and really think about this one for a second. Have you ever tried to run a 5K, rip out a tough set of of deadlifts, or do anything active while wearing your finest denim? Unless you’re insane and/or Brett Favre and you have a penchant for flinging around the ol’ pigskin on the farm in your trusty blue Wranglers, the answer is no, because denim is a detriment to every athletic endeavor, and you’re smarter than that.
But then again, Nike is smarter than you, and definitely smarter than me. So I look forward to plopping on a pair of their workout jeans and being proved wrong.