As a lifelong Nintendo fan, I’ve long petitioned for the cult favorite character Geno to be included in the roster of a Super Smash Bros. game. Geno is a main character in the 1996 Super Nintendo game Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, and he’s made scant few appearances since then. Super Smash Bros., meanwhile, is a popular Nintendo game franchise in which characters ranging from the ubiquitous (Mario, Link, Donkey Kong) to the all but forgotten or unknown (Mr. Game & Watch, everyone from Fire Emblem) duke it out.
In other words, Geno is a perfect fit for Smash Bros., as the character’s fans have been pointing out for more than a decade and a half. Yet the announcement that Nintendo made during its latest Nintendo Direct broadcast, the company’s standard means for making announcements, about Geno finally being included in the series is not what I wanted to hear.
Geno isn’t being included as an actual playable character, because he apparently was deemed not as worthy as the Animal Crossing Villager, a random Pokémon that no one but Pokémon fans remembers, two versions of Samus, two versions of Link, two versions of Mario, two versions of Pit, someone named Palutena, a robot from the ‘80s that absolutely no one cares about, five fucking characters from Fire Emblem, and the goddamned Wii Fit fitness mannequin.
Instead, the cult favorite Geno will soon finally be represented in Super Smash Bros. in the form of a downloadable costume for a different character—the Nintendo Mii, which isn’t actually a character but a blank slate that represents players in various Nintendo games, which is why it needs dumb costumes in the first place.
Check out how congratulatory that tweet from Nintendo is. Then go read the responses from fans. Then look into that Geno impostor’s dead eyes.
If anyone at Nintendo thought they were pleasing fans with this one, they must be even more unaware of what we actually want than I thought. Now excuse me while I go cry and listen to the Forest Maze theme song on repeat for the rest of my life.
Mike Rougeau is Playboy.com’s Gaming Editor, in charge of all things video games. He really loves Super Mario RPG. Follow him on Twitter @RogueCheddar.