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North Korea Claims It Cured Every Disease Without Any Proof Whatsoever

North Korea Claims It Cured Every Disease Without Any Proof Whatsoever: Randall Park as Kim Jong-un in "The Interview"

Randall Park as Kim Jong-un in "The Interview"

Think of what it’d be like to see a headline like, “Ebola gone forever.” Now consider the joy and shock of also reading, “AIDS will never come back.” Now wonder what kind of electricity would pulse through you if you then read, “All cancer has been cured.” Finally, try to wrap your head around the idea that it’s all due to a single drug and then weep with grief when you realize the greatest announcement of the 21st century came from North Korean strongman Kim Jong-un.

That’s right. North Korea and its supreme skylord—or whatever—just claimed that a miracle cure it created is capable of ridding the world of ebola, AIDs and “a number of cancers.” It’s an injectable medicine called Kumdang-2.

Did North Korea reveal the details of the amazing concoction? No, of course not.

The Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea released a statement partially explaining, “The researchers insert rare earth elements (REE) into insam (gingseng) by applying the mico-elementary fertilizers of REE to the fields of insam.”

“The injection is made of extracts from those complex compounds. As a strong-immuno-activator, the injection has been recognized to prevent different malignant epidemics.”

Kumdang-2’s website, which looks like Wordpress hosted on LiveJournal, cites a medical study where the drug was tested on HIV-positive patients to see 56 percent totally cured and 44 percent with considerable approval.

Reminder: This is the same country that declared it invented hamburgers just six years ago.

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