For unknown reasons, the sex toy manufacturers at Lelo have invented a vibrating couples ring called Pino, and it’s designed “to satisfy even the Gordon Gekkos” of this world, because apparently their genitals do not work like the dicks of us lowly peasants, who settle for lesser sex toys or no sex toys at all.

The glorified vibrating cock ring comes with silver cufflinks and a money clip, both of which have “Always Be Closing” engraved on them.

I’d bet my Q4 earnings that this will be purchased mostly as a gag gift for rich douchebags who don’t really like to admit to themselves or anyone else that they are rich douchebags.

But if you’re thinking of getting one for me, don’t. I already have a cock ring. Mine is made from ivory and sapphires and it was designed by Christian Grey.