Happy Valentine’s Day! While you’re up on your loved one or face-deep in a pint of ice cream, the Seattle Aquarium was forced to cancel their annual octopus sex session for fear of cannibalism.
This breaks the decade-long tradition of the annual “romantic” blind date, where aquarists bring two octopi together to mate in front of everyone in honor of St. Valentine. Already a strange pitch, this year’s X-ing of Os—so to speak—was made weirder by the presence of its behemoth leading man.
Kong, the 70-pound male (which itself is a ridiculous character description), outweighs any potential V-Day date by a longshot, which worried keepers that he might just straight up devour any lady he got close with, explained Tim Carpenter, the aquarium’s curator of fish and invertebrates.
“We’ve never seen an animal that was ready to mate that was smaller than 35 pounds. Beyond that, we won’t even bother.
“Even if we put a 30- or 45-pound female out there, there’s a chance he would see her as food.We were looking for an animal of at least 60, 65 pounds.”
If you dare think this sounds preposterous, remember that a Seattle Aquarium’s octopus ate a freakin’ shark once. So appreciate what you have, whatever it is, because it doesn’t include somebody eating you. Romance!