Since Kim Kardashian started the week with her nude self, female sexuality has been a hot topic on everyone’s lips, mine included. It seems appropriate that I spent the week exploring OMGYES, a website devoted to “lifting the veil on women’s sexual pleasure.” Using new technology called “touchable video” with “audio feedback”, for $29 a year the creators have basically turned the vagina into a video game.

What’s interesting is that even in 2016 it’s still challenging to get grants for sex research, hence the subscription fee. According to the creators:

“Sex research has been about general behaviors, like percentages of people who masturbate or use vibrators. Or the biology of what happens inside the body during sex and orgasm. But the actual techniques for women’s pleasure just hadn’t been researched before. Why? The large institutions that conduct research usually have at least a few very conservative supporters. And, for them, the specifics for women’s pleasure are still too taboo and uncomfortable to look at directly and specifically.”

So they took it upon themselves to personally interview 1,000 women about the secret to unlocking orgasm and did an academic survey of 1,000 more. What’s not surprising is that there are nearly as many ways to make a woman orgasm as there are women, but certain things came up over and over again.

I realize the honeypot can seem like a Rubik’s cube, and I appreciate that, as a man, it can be daunting to go through the process of learning a new vagina and her secrets. Every pussy has her magic spot. And every pussy is different. Men don’t generally enjoy feeling like they aren’t pleasing their woman, so sometimes they won’t even enter the labyrinth for fear of never finding the way. This is a mistake. Nothing arouses me more than communicating with a man sexually.

So much of it is just staying in the moment and letting it be what it’s going to be. I know you’re probably thinking, “Spare me the Buddha bullshit, Bridget, and tell me how to make you ladies cum.” But that’s really it! That’s all there is to it! Get out of your head. Put aside your ego and focus less on being the star of the porn in your mind and more about what makes her tick. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been doggy style and had a dude go, “Yeah, you like that baby? You like the way my big cock feels?”, and I’ve literally rolled my eyes. If you have to ask us if we “like that” chances are we don’t. And as for your cock, well, I resent when a man makes me lie to him while he’s inside me.

You’ll know when we “like that.” It’s all about noticing the details. What makes me moan? What makes me gasp? Am I breathing heavier? That means you’re on the right track. Not all women are vocal in bed (which is weird because of how vocal we are everywhere else), but a lot of that might be learned over years of sex being taboo, stigmatized and “dirty.” Encourage communication.

This is the beauty of OMGYES. It puts words to all those things we don’t have words for. It notices patterns in what works and what doesn’t and creates specific techniques. The OMGYES team narrowed them down to about a dozen, which I’m happy to break down for you in non-scientific man speak. For the different techniques and the science, you’re going to have to subscribe to the site.

You may have heard of this technique by now; it’s in the zeitgeist. Basically, edging is torture. The good kind. Get us close to an orgasm. Stop. This builds the orgasm. If you get this technique down, when we finally do come, it’s explosive. It also says to us, “Hey—he’s not just trying to get this over with. He actually cares about pleasing me.” This is personally one of my favorite techniques, especially when used in conjunction with your tongue. Want to make us beg? This is how.

This is another great way to torture us and my go-to foreplay technique. Everything but the clit. Our entire nether-region is sensitive. The labia. The inner thighs. Light touch. Do a drive-by. Make us want it.

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT—WHEN YOU’RE CLOSE TO MAKING US ORGASM DON’T CHANGE A THING. I’m sure you’ve experienced this before. She was right there. You could feel it and then, just like a video game, back to square one. During the “approach”, as the minutes and seconds leading to orgasm are called, consistency is everything.

This is advanced pussy whisperer. After you really mastered some of these other basic techniques, start interchanging them. The clit is like a supermodel–she gets really bored, really fast. You have to keep her guessing if you want to hold her interest.

Slow down as you build, play with irregular patterns or add steady micro-movements applying light pressure. As the OMGYES team says, “By experimenting with rhythms and zeroing in on what feels best when, you can take something that already feels great and go to the next level.” So there it is–rhythm is the key to unlocking the mythical level of the vagina video game called Kama Sutra.

Multiple orgasms aren’t a myth. They’re real. My record with a man is six in one go. This was maybe my favorite part of the site. It really breaks down what happens after orgasm one and how to create the environment for two and three. But honestly, the real trick is withholding your orgasm long enough for her to have more than one.

All parts of the clit are not created equal. Me? I’m a lefty, so there is this very hidden, very special magic spot on my clit that if you touch just right way will bring me to orgasm in about 30 seconds. Accenting is finding that spot. And keep in mind this spot can and will change from day to day. Think of it as a fun treasure hunt.

Another one of my favorite segments. Desire doesn’t start between your legs—all desire starts between your ears, in your mind. This portion has amazing tips on how to do exactly what I mentioned earlier—STAY PRESENT. It’s just as important for me to remember to push aside those distracting, self-conscious thoughts like, “I feel fat” or “Shit, I forgot to pay my gas bill.” It also gives you very important tips like: Want to kill the orgasm instantly? Ask us “Are you close?”

OMGYES defines layering as “indirect pleasure through surrounding skin.” This is probably the most technically complicated lesson, but it also made me the most eager to experiment with my favorite friend’s vagina. Exposed clit can be painfully sensitive. This section delves into different ways to play with “the hood,” the clit’s natural protection from the elements. If you suck my hood at just the right moment leading to orgasm, I will basically lose my mind for a minute. I call it an orgasm blackout. Everyone’s clit is different. Less is usually more until suddenly it’s not enough. This one takes lots of practice and fine-tuning, which can be fun.

This section is FANTASTIC. It’s all about progression, baby. Here you will go through the different stages of arousal as you build to orgasm. There are lots of numbers, techniques and ideas to juggle, but it ends up being SUPER HOT. Master Pussy Whisperer.

Here you’ll cover the fine art of tickling the clit. This was my favorite part to play with in the videos. It’s great how they’ll tell you to “slow down” or “too hard” or “too fast.” The woman in the video even breathes heavier as you approach orgasm and HURRAY YOU WON THE GAME, unless the game was edging in which case it will make you start again.

This site is SO good I was late on my deadline for this column due to multiple masturbation breaks. I’m a bisexual woman, so it turns me on watching the other women in the demo videos turn themselves on. I’m also a nerd, so all the science aroused my intellect. For $29 bucks it’s more than worth it. I know a thing or two about vaginas, seeing as how I have one, but practice makes perfect, and I also learned some new techniques I can’t wait to explore.

It’s a video game backed by science, so if you’re having a hard time explaining to your significant other why you’re flicking the bean of a virtual vagina on your iPad, explain that you’re doing research into how to better please her. Instant brownie points. In fact, I encourage couples to use the site together. It seems like a fun sexy excuse to spend a weekend in bed. It’s filled with tons of cool information for sex geeks (like me) and heaps of great visuals for men. Although the first time you see the pussy right there on the screen, it can be a bit jarring. Like whoa, okay, there’s a vagina. OK. Let’s do this.

Bridget Phetasy is a writer and comic in Los Angeles. Twitter: @BridgetPhetasy.

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