Twitter Facebook Instagram Google+ Tumblr YouTube E-Mail WhatsApp Sign In Check Close snapchat
Search
Exit Clear

Research: There is Only One Real, True Way to Actually Get Better at Sex

Research: There is Only One Real, True Way to Actually Get Better at Sex:

Sex makes fools of us all, and yet we feel compelled to glow as cool and confident at a basic minimum while ultimately striving for total perfection out of competitiveness, fear of embarrassment, or a wild blend of numerous reasons. Magazines sell quick sex tips, books hype soulful sex philosophy, and everyone everywhere explains their special closer, as we as a culture try our damndest to “get better” at sex, the oldest form of romance, sport, or killing time.

But the problem is that we see sex as more activity than mentality. We think of the act in isolation, even with two (or more) people involved, rather than the curious investigation and beautiful exploration and of another’s body. And that’s a problem, because, as explained by Nicole Prause, Principal Investigator at the Sexual Psychophysiology and Affective Neuroscience Lab at UCLA, the only real, true way to become the ideal lover isn’t articles, pills, or workouts; it’s just listening to your partner.

PRAUSE: “There’s no such thing as someone who is ‘good at sex.’ It completely depends on your partner. For example, if you’re someone who loves to be pooped on, I’m never going to be a good partner for you. That’s just not in my repertoire.”

First of all, maybe the best example to make a scientific point ever. Secondly, she’s right and it’s something we tend to overlook. We see ourselves as athletes instead of explorers, challengers instead of puzzle pieces.

PRAUSE: “No one wants to be dumb at sex. But the expertise isn’t embedded in the information. It’s embedded in the individual.”

If you’ve made a life of one-night stands, there’s a chance you’re at a theoretical disadvantage here. According to a 2012 study in *American Sociological Review, which surveyed 6,000+ young women across 21 U.S. universities, complete with 85 in-depth interviews, repeated experience is the “secret move.”

Sure, it rings more truth than twist—like when a movie character learns what they’ve been searching for was inside them all along—but it makes a lot of sense. Comfort is the key, as the study’s findings revealed dramatic increases in orgasm and enjoyment rates between initial hookups and later ones. The researchers observed that “partner-specific learning plays a role even in the absence of long-term commitment.”

You probably wanted the secret to be more along the lines of “move your hip this way at this exact moment” or “rub this on that before you do this” or “fling her in the air at this degree of a spin before catching her with this,” but listening is the secret to getting better at sex and that’s all there is to it, says Prause.

PRAUSE: “If you like something they’re doing, say, ‘I like that.’ Use your words. If you can be more specific about what you like about it, do.”

But there’s still a strategy to that, so don’t go all berzerk.

“Don’t drop the big bomb first time. If you really like being choked with a rope, that’s kind of dangerous. Maybe don’t start with that, but talk about it eventually. Start with something more common as a way of building trust.”

[H/T New York Magazine]

Playboy Social

Never miss an issue. Subscribe and save today!

Loading...