Nine thousand cheaters agree: if you’re going to venture outside of your relationship, you’re going to have to go down on the other person. We’re not entirely sure who is foregoing the thrills of oral sex, but according to a survey conducted by the extramarital dating website Victoria Milan, these people exist. And lying cheaters will judge your anti-cunnilingus attitude.

The survery determined that 65 percent of women and 68 percent of men wouldn’t have extramarital sex with someone who isn’t cool with oral sex, because if you’re going to risk a relationship, why choose now to set boundaries?

Not only is no oral sex a major dealbreaker among the unfaithful, but the lack of oral sex in a relationship is one of the key factors that lead people to cheat in the first place. If anything—and we admit to viewing this study as unnecesary but interesting—this research speaks to how important oral sex is in both relationships and actual intercourse.

In fact, almost three quarters of women and 85 percent of men believe oral sex is required for a relationship to be successful. Trips downtown shouldn’t diminish over time, either. Most respondants do say they prefer to receive than to give, but a whopping eight in 10 women and seven in 10 men say they enjoy giving oral. Those figures are not far off from the 89 percent of women and 94 percent of men who like to receive. Symbiosis, you know?

Back in 2013, a study published in Evolutionary Psychology was deemed controversial for predicting that healthy sex lives depend on oral sex. After polling almost 250 coupled heterosexual men, researchers determined that men perform cunnilingus in part to minimize the risk of their partners cheating. The report concludes that “men at greater risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus on their partner until she achieves orgasm.”

But because oral sex isn’t the be-all, end-all of relationships. Recent research from Indiana University and the Center for Sexual Health Promotion found that most couples appreciate good old-fashioned kissing and cuddling. The research was the first to gather data on a wide range of sexual behaviors not previously studied, recruited more than 2,000 adults and asked them to rate the appeal of more than 50 sex acts. They found that participants had engaged in an impressive variety of sexual behaviors, but the most cherished were tame yet intimate.

“Contrary to some stereotypes, the most appealing behaviors, even for men, are romantic and affectionate behaviors,” said Debby Herbenick, the lead author. “These included kissing more often during sex, cuddling, saying sweet/romantic things during sex, making the room feel romantic in preparation for sex, and so on.”

It may not appear as such, but each of the studies possess a common thread: In order for a relationship to thrive, each partner needs to feel loved. A kiss, a cuddle, oral sex: these might not seem like much, but sexual interest from a partner offers confidence, which ultimately will prevent your partner from cheating.