Oral Sex with Dr. Emily Morse

By Kyle Dowling

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Oral Sex with Dr. Emily Morse:

Oral sex is one of the most intimate experiences two human beings can go through with one another. It’s also one of the most popular types of sex around. (And quite fun, right?) Sadly, would you believe most of us are muddling through with barely any idea of how to actually do it? See…you’re not alone!

Luckily, there are people out there working to make sure we all have great sex (and oral sex). Which is why I decided to speak with the host of the podcast Sex with Emily and relationship expert Emily Morse to see how we can all fill our sex lives with excitement, arousal and, of course, passion.

*Playboy.com: *You’ve mentioned on Sex with Emily that oral sex is your favorite subject to discuss. Why is that?

Emily Morse: I personally think oral sex is so important in both female and male sexual desire, and the truth is that both sexes are sometimes confused by it. Some men may not know exactly how to perform it on women; also, some women are confused because there’s a lot of pressure put on them, which they tend to put on themselves, honestly. Am I doing it right? Is this how I should do it? Anytime I can give tips to people to help them attain something more pleasurable, it’s a great opportunity for me.

I really think it’s all about learning to pay attention to the signs your partner gives you. It’s a topic that has forever interested me and a lot of people…that and porn. [laughs]

*Playboy.com: *Where are people learning about oral sex today?

Morse: I think a lot of young people are only seeing oral sex through porn, and then they assume that’s what sex always is. How is she having a screaming orgasm and he’s nowhere near her clitoris? Oftentimes, you don’t see the foreplay. In that regard, I think porn can sometimes be misleading.

Having said that, I think watching porn can certainly help people learn a little bit more, whether it be oral sex, vaginal or just turning your partner on in general.

*Playboy.com: *It seems fairly common to find someone who doesn’t like performing oral sex, but in listening to your podcast there seem to be people who don’t like receiving it either. Even some men. Why is that?

*Morse: *I think some men just haven’t received a great blowjob. Maybe they don’t know what a good one is. But some just can’t orgasm that way; they don’t like the way it feels, which I can’t imagine, but it does happen. I don’t have a penis, but I would think I would want blowjobs all day long. [laughs]

With women who don’t like it, a lot of it has to do with negative first-time experiences. Whether it was just that their partner was inexperienced or it was uncomfortable or painful, if they have a bad experience it’s immediately written off their list, which I can understand. That goes with any kind of sex, really: oral, anal or vaginal. But I think when women are with men they trust and who have had experience, it’s a smart idea for them to open up and try it again. Everyone should try everything not just once but twice…maybe three times. [laughs]

Sometimes when women are receiving oral sex they feel as if they’re on the clock. Women are conditioned to think that men don’t really like going down on us, so we’re concerned we are taking too long and some can get self-conscious. That’s when women either fake it or decide to go without an orgasm. Every woman is different and that’s why you have to throw in the towel and have a conversation about it.

Playboy.com: I’m wondering if part of the reason people say they don’t like receiving oral sex is because they are too afraid of telling their partner how they like getting it.

Morse: Oh, definitely! Many people don’t know how to communicate about oral sex. And it’s even more awkward if you’ve been together for a long time, which is why I think the earlier the better. Everybody is different. Just because one of your partners liked it one way doesn’t mean others will.

*Playboy.com: *It seems that above all, the key is communication, but you’ve said that talking sex is like talking a different language. Because of that, how do you advise couples to start the conversation?

Morse: First, I tell them to start right away. If you start early on then you’re already beginning the dialogue. If a couple has been together [for a long time] it’s kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid; you just have to do it. You can start by explaining what you love about your sex life and then go from there. You really have to dive in because the unfortunate truth is that so many couples have been together for so long and they don’t talk about sex.

You can also ask him or her their favorite or top three times you’ve had sex with each other. You can learn a lot from that answer. Finally, it’s never a bad idea for couples to go to a sex store. God knows there are so many things for people to try there!

No matter how you do it, you just need to find a way to start the conversation. But don’t expect that all of your problems will be solved after the first conversation. It does take a little while.

*Playboy.com: *As everyone knows, oral sex is a fun activity, but it can sometimes become mundane. How can people make it fun or different so it doesn’t become boring? Is there a way?

Morse: Absolutely! One of the great things to do is blindfold your partner. Set the mood by maybe lighting candles and then play around with them. If you’re blindfolded, all of your other senses are heightened. They don’t know what’s coming, which is a huge turn-on.

I always think it’s a good idea to incorporate a toy that she doesn’t know is coming. I don’t think there’s a problem bringing those into the bedroom.

There are so many great ways to make oral sex more fun, but I think blindfolding is the best because it takes the pressure off. The blindfold says that this is about you. There’s no clock, this is about making it pleasurable for you.


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