Peter Walters, a resident of Pendleton, Oregon, has called on members of his city council to ban the smell of farts. Surprisingly, he’s not completely insane. He’s just a complete smart ass who is making a point about opposition to marijuana, which becomes legal in Oregon on July 1st.

In an op-ed for the East Oregonian, Walters sarcastically applauded the council for recently banning the smell of marijuana smoke. He then called on members to expand the city’s nuisance ordinances to include flatulence. After all, if the smell of marijuana is offensive enough to warrant a $500 fine, the smell of farts surely deserves the same punishment.

Courtesy of Flickr user Scott Wilcoxson.

Courtesy of Flickr user Scott Wilcoxson.

It was with great relief Thursday when I read in the East Oregonian that Pendleton’s city council took the time to pass an amendment to the city’s nuisance ordinance banning marijuana odor. Clearly, there has been no issue of greater importance facing the city. Now that this important work has been completed I hope that the council will move on to restricting the other offensive smell that plagues our community: farts.

While farting may be legal in Oregon, many (including myself) are offended by the flatulent stench. Too often, homeowners and businesses fail to contain farts to their property, forcing the rest of us to put up with the smell. Some habitual farters argue that they need to fart for medical reasons but that doesn’t mean my kids should have to smell their farts. The city council should stop looking the other way and pretending not to notice.

Walters went on to say that unless the council adds the smell of farts to it nuisance code, “it’s as if he who smelt it, dealt it.”

Well played, Mr. Walters. Well played.

(H/T: Death and Taxes)

Jason Mathews is Internetting way too hard. Follow him at @jasonmathews316.