Party Girl at PMOY 2009

Las Vegas. 2009 Playmate of the Year Party. Or, as I prefer to think of it, the night Brande Roderick gave me a lap dance.

Ok, it wasn't a full three minute bucking bronco type deal, but nonetheless, Brande was polishing my lap with her bangin' ass. Then, when I thought it couldn't get any better, God continued to reign booty upon me as Miss February 2000something took over.  Dancin', prancin', grindin', grinnin', romancin'. Just as I was about to let out an unearthly moan of ecstasy, I remembered that I'm straight. And female. So the experience lost a few points, but it would have taken a lot more than heterosexuality to knock me off my cloud. It was still some of the best 46 seconds of my life. The Bunnies then hopped up to mix drinks and it seemed I was largely an afterthought.  Vegas, baby, Vegas. The Playboy Club at the Palms Hotel to be specific.  The balmy night air was thick with a potent cocktail of celebration and the sweet fumes rising off the shimmering bottles of Patron.
 
I want to write about my experience. I really do, though Las Vegas's constitution prohibits me from doing so. What happens in Vegas… But Party Girl is not one to abide by law. So it's not regulations but libations that hinder my account of the festivities. Patron was the sponsor. That much I remember.
 
I also remember that more than a few inebriated guests mistook me for a Playmate. God bless you, whoever you are.
 
Looming outside The Palms ballroom a drunken bachelor party renegade slurred, "What is this, a stripper Bar Mitzvah?" Hater. You wish you were on the inside drinking pomegranate martinis and imbibing the glistening spell that is Ida Ljungqvist, PMOY 2009 or that of the incomparable Mr. Scott Baio, also in the house.
 
Ida and I had a moment. She said I had great cheekbones. I asked her if she wanted to French but she claimed to only speak English, Swedish and Swahili. Nice cop out, Ida. Yes, I know I'm straight, but you don't have to be a lez to want to make out with the Playmate of the Year.
 
She declined my offer, but I think I may have had a taker in Kato Kaelin, who was hovering close by. I feel like Kato would be a great addition to one of my video blogs. Maybe I'll mud wrestle him. Hey Kato, I'm comin' for ya. Listen for the three knocks.
 
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