When I first heard that Jar Jar Binks, the near-universally hated doofus of the Star Wars prequels, might have actually been a mighty Sith lord, I scoffed. Oh my word, did I have myself a laugh! My chianti went everywhere and the howls of my amusement echoed through the many rooms of my mega-mansion. But then…I entertained the notion. Then I watched the YouTube video that sent sci-fi fans into a wild-eyed tailspin of conspiracy, originally put forth by redditor Lumpawarroo in October.

My sense of grounding was torn asunder! It made gross, dastardly sense: the “accidental” bullseyes, the rise in rank, all of it. See, what if Jar Jar Binks was not only intended to be a Sith lord, but the sith lord? I mean, do you understand the gravity of such a question? He was a devious character so nuanced that he didn’t just fool his surrounding players, but the world itself, far beyond the silver screen, into the reaches of our galaxy a long, long time later, the bastard!

I have since become a Jar Jar Binks truther. I now believe him to be wily at best and monstrous at worst and have since left my whimsical “Oh, Jar Jar” eye rolls far behind. Thus, I was naturally intrigued by PBS Idea Channel’s Mike Rugnetta delving into the conspiracy theory that the floppy-eared comic relief was, in fact, meant to be a treacherous villain, with the plan ultimately abandoned after a resounding and collective “OH MY GOD, WE’LL SEE YOU IN HELL, JAR JAR BINKS” came ringing in the ears of George Lucas like some demonic orchestra.

This, brothers and sisters, is the truth: Jar Jar was meant to be a nightmare in a way you know not. He would’ve savaged the rebels, murdered the innocents, and brought upon Naboo a reckoning, the likes of which would have its inhabitants begging for the merciful fate of Alderaan. He was threat mistaken for jest! He was a wolf in gungan clothing! He was…pure evil.