A report released today by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration claims that college students are more likely to try specific types of drugs for the first time during certain months.

The report, which was based on a national survey of 67,500 Americans, found that:

  • First-time marijuana use peaks in June with around 1,500 initiates per day
  • Underage drinking also peaks in June, with an average of 1,883 new drinkers per day
  • December sees the most college students beginning to abuse legal prescription drugs such as painkillers, with 850 initiates per day
  • First-time cocaine use also peaks in December with around 600 new users per day
  • Abuse of stimulant medication spikes in April, November, and December, but peaks at around 585 daily initiates in November
  • First-time hallucinogen use is relatively steady throughout the year at 600 per day, with small peaks in June and October
  • Use of inhalants peak in June and July, with 300 new students experimenting with huffing per day

It’s worth noting that first-time abuse of legal stimulants seems to correspond with college finals. It’s also worth pointing out that the study didn’t include heroin in its findings, probably because the kids using it were too strung out to complete the surveys. The study did include information about first-time cigarette smokers, but I left it out because considering these are college kids, who gives a shit?

So what, if anything, can we take away from this report? Mainly, if you’re not a college student, and you’re planning on visiting one, make sure you go in December when snow isn’t the only easily accessible white powder. And avoid visiting a college in summer, or you’ll end up having to huff glue out of paper bag like a hobo.

Oh, and don’t do drugs.

(Source: SAMHSA.gov, H/T: BroBible)