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Pegging Is a Sex Trend I Can Get Behind

Pegging Is a Sex Trend I Can Get Behind:

I come from a pretty standard Irish Catholic, East Coast family where drinking and gender norms are as much a religion as Christianity itself. So, when a friend first told me about pegging a few years ago, and tried to explain to me why dominating her man with a strap-on got her hot and bothered, I shut down.

“No thanks. Not for me,” I said.

Playboy was ahead of the curve in 2014 when it ran a fantastic piece about a trend a sex worker noticed in the requests of the American soldiers who hired her. Proving that the hetero-male butthole had officially gone mainstream, Broad City’s Abbi Jacobson strapped one on a year later for the show’s now-infamous pegging episode. Even Nikki Glaser asked husband-and-wife team Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky to take a pegging class for her show Not Safe with Nikki Glaser.

I’ve written a lot about the stigma of men wanting to explore butt play, most pointedly this past May in “So, You Want Her to Play With Your Butt.” At the start of that article, I issue a disclaimer: “Male ass play is a hard topic for me to explore.”

Similarly, when I explored threesomes for a column called “So I Tried Out the New Threesome App 3nder”, I recognized a modicum of internalized homophobia when considering the types of threesomes I’d be open to. “I don’t want my man to want to be with men,” I wrote. “I have no logical explanation for this. I’m not judging men who want to be with men. Two ball sacks touching just isn’t for me.”

The fact is, there was a logical explanation: close-mindedness and prejudice. I truly believed if my boyfriend wanted something in his butt, he probably wanted to sleep with other men. And in my eyes, that made him less of a man. I now realize this is absolutely not the case.

Sexuality isn’t black or white, and a large part of my job is asking people questions about their gray areas. So, I took up interviewing dozens of men (anonymously of course) as well as Lance Hart, porn’s go-to pegging star, to learn about the growing bedroom fad that’s all about role reversal. In the process I realized two things: A lot more heterosexual men are into it than I imagined and…I definitely want to peg a man now. Because it sounds fucking hot.

Know this: you can be a straight male and absolutely love ass play.

Of course, the men I interviewed were well aware of the stigma, yet devoted enough to their sexual curiosity to work through it. As one former Hollywood bigwig told me, “For eight years I had to constantly be more Type A than every other Type A. It was refreshing to fucking let go in the most primal way possible. I didn’t feel powerless—I just was powerless.” Another said he “took immense psychological pleasure in letting go of control and being present. It was a different kind of pleasure and gave me a deeper appreciation for a less goal-oriented version of sex.” One man even admitted, “It gave me newfound respect for the female sexual experience. Being penetrated by a strong, intelligent woman while I was tied down was hot, but it was also fucking scary, painful and required me to relinquish control of my body.”

Yes, anal sex is painful before it’s pleasurable, and most men I talked to stipulated that. But that seems to be part of the attraction—and the reward. As one man said, “It required me to trust someone to not judge or shame me in my most vulnerable state. I don’t think the majority of straight men have to worry about trust on that level in order to have sex.”

More so than just questioning the sex lives of others, a large part of my job is to question my own sexuality and root out my blind spots and judgments like weeds in the Garden of Eden. Some of these beliefs go pretty deep and are intertwined with programmed ideals of masculinity, morality and religion, making them even harder to identify and discard. And one of the major judgments out there—sexually, socially and philosophically—is that “only gay men like things in their butt.” Yes, I’m guilty for having believed that. Not only is that belief unfair, but it’s sexist and a reflection of the double standard that allows women to play with women but labels men who play with men.

Know this: you can be a straight male and absolutely love ass play. Hart, who is straight and claims to have starred in thousands of pegging videos, believes this to the nth degree. Still, he didn’t try pegging until he was 29 years old. “Because of the stigma, you don’t want to bring up something and have her freak out and think you’re gay,” he says. “But if you go into an adult store, the first thing you’ll see is the strap-ons—and every box features a picture of a guy and a girl. Pegging requires a lot of communication. For many guys, it’s specifically about the woman who is fucking him, and not about being penetrated,” he says. “Personally, I like being interactive with the girl while we’re going at it. I like connecting with her. And it’s important for women to understand it’s not always a domination thing. Just because you’re fucking a guy doesn’t mean he wants to be called a slave. It might just be a sensual thing.”

Hart’s words, and those of every man I interviewed, were stimulating. Pegging demands complete trust. It also requires vulnerability—both emotional, as a straight man working through his own taboos (“Does this make me gay?”) and physical, preparing for what will surely be a painful first-time experience.

But that is the catalyst of me changing my mind and viewing pegging not as a turnoff, but a turn-on. The idea of men losing their control to me, being dominated by me, surrendering completely to me, suddenly makes me wet.

Now, all I need is the right partner—and I promise you when I find him, I’ll let you know how it goes.


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