Have you ever walked in on your boyfriend or girlfriend trading animal noises with someone who wasn’t your pet? If so, reading this article may cause flashbacks or might provide some much needed therapy and consolation. If not, just be very happy that you are not one of the parties involved in any of the following incidents.
1. NOT ALWAYS THAT SATISFYING
I heard from friends that my wife was cheating on me. I drove by my house and sure enough there was a strange car in the driveway. About the third time I did that, I finally manned up and pulled in the driveway. After a few minutes to calm down enough that my hands weren’t shaking, I went in and found them going at it. In the best deadpan voice I could manage I said, “Jesus Christ, another one? How many guys are you sleeping with?” Went out, got way too drunk, somehow managed to drive home without killing anyone, and as I sat in an empty house, had a simply brilliant idea that I should take all her stuff outside and burn it. Ended up getting beat up by her guy, arrested for drunk and disorderly, and rolled in court for damages and the divorce settlement. The upside was that years later I found out she was now was blowing guys in bars for rent money, so in the end I would call it a win.
2. SHE WAS CERTAINLY SURPRISED
Well I walked in on them sleeping in OUR bed. I came home early from a road trip with a friend of mine and walked in to my bedroom, happy to wake her up and surprise her. For whatever reason, the guy had a Polaroid in the bedside table, so I took a picture, set it next to them (basically to say be glad I didn’t kill you), and walked out. She tried justifying it later but I think I barely said 10 words to her after that.
3. IF SHE WAS CHEATING WITH HIM, MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T BE LAUGHING…
My GF’s roommate let me in, looking confused. She said, “I thought you were here already?” Then I heard sex noises coming from her room. I got really pissed off and stormed in, ready to fight, but when I kicked the door in, the guy jumped off of her, and I swear his fully erect penis couldn’t have been bigger than a Sharpie. It stopped me dead in my tracks. So I started laughing, softly at first, then harder, until I was cackling like a damn hyena. I was doubled over, pointing at it and laughing, and yelling at her, through hysterics, “Seriously? SERIOUSLY?” I grabbed my phone charger I had come back for, took one last look at them, then started laughing again as I left. My now ex-GF runs out in a towel, saying, “Let me explain,” and all that. I have no idea how my brain connected this, but I look at her, continue laughing, and yell, “I’ve smoked cigarettes bigger than that!” And open the door and walk out.
4. WELL, THIS IS JUST SAD
I was dating a girl who was getting close to one of my friends. They’d text each other, and I started seeing signs that it was more than a friendship. One day something just didn’t feel right, so I drove to my friend’s house, and sure enough her car was in the driveway. I stormed up to his door on anger and adrenaline. His door was open, and I furiously walked in ready to freak out when I discovered them. I walked into his bedroom and discovered them naked in bed, cuddling, and watching a movie. The anger disappeared and was instantly filled with heartbreak and disappointment. I would’ve rather seen them banging. I left and never spoke to either of them again.
5. THE SWEET TASTE OF VICTORY
Came home early from work, noticed a strange car outside, found them sleeping in our bed, cozy as can be after doing the deed. They woke up to me closing the door and leaving. She called and begged me to come home, I said everything I had ever bitten my tongue about, filed for divorce 2 days later. A month after divorce was final, I moved 1000 miles away. She still wants me to come back and tells me its the biggest mistake she ever made, people ask me why I even still talk to her, I say its because I have to be civil, the truth is I’m still enjoying knowing she’s struggling and that I won.
6. CALCULATED MOVE
For a couple of weeks I suspected my girlfriend was cheating on me with this particular guy (we’ll name him John). The relationship was going south anyways but I just wanted the pleasure to see her face when I catch her. My buddy and I devised a plan. I told my girlfriend I was going home to visit my parents, but in fact I was staying at my buddies place a couple of miles down. Then the stakeout started. We knew where John lived and decided to follow him throughout the day. We took my buddies car and started following him everywhere. Lunch, dinner, and finally something after dinner. My heart was pounding. Followed him for a few miles and sure enough we see him pulling over to my girlfriend’s apartment. Waited about half an hour and decided it was time to walk in. Walking down the lobby with tank tops, shorts, Happy New Year glasses, confetti poppers, helium balloons, party horn, and a DSLR camera all at midnight in March. We busted the door open, screamed SURPRISE, confetti everywhere, and the camera started flashing. Anyways, you ever seen a picture of a spooked cat? Well the picture came out exactly like that. She was in reverse cowgirl so we got a picture of her floating in a squat formation while he laid down. I texted her the photo the next day and said I would delete it if I got all of my stuff back. I never received my belongings in such a neatly packed box.
7. THE OLD “COMING HOME A FEW DAYS EARLY” SITUATION
I was on a trip and decided to come home a couple days early and surprise my fiancée at the time. We were not living together so I was going to go to my apartment to shower before I surprised her with some flowers. I walk in and I see a pair of shoes by the door. I thought maybe they were my roommate’s. As I round the corner to my room, I start to hear moaning and heavy breathing. I thought my roommate was in my room. So I thought I would mess with him. I burst through the door and said something like, “Surprise f*cker,” and find my fiancé having sex with her roommate (I guess their other roommate had people over so they thought to go to my place). I looked at them and said, “I think you should leave the ring and the keY.” They freaked out and asked what I was doing home. I told them that this is my place and I didn’t have to answer to them. They scrambled to collect their stuff and leave. In the process, she left behind her iPad. I decided to go through it. Turns out she had been sleeping with a bunch of different people for the past 6 or 7 months.
8. THE LONG GAME
We’d been dating for over a year. She’d gotten a new job and to congratulate her I left work early and brought over two bottles of champagne. Her roommate let me in. We both walked together to their room at the end of the hall and as her roommate pushed the door opened, my SO called out not to come in and I heard laughing. At this point, I moved on a kind of numb autopilot and pushed the door open. She was on top of him. She threw the blanket over her shoulders and looked back toward the door. I honestly lost it. I cried, screamed, went to absolute pieces. I knew the guy from other friends and he’d abandoned a close friend of mine after their daughter was born severely epileptic. She wasn’t apologetic at all. They were in love. I drove home, bawling the whole way. In the end, she called me almost a year later while she was living with him and wanted to come over. She wanted to have sex, so we did. Then I detailed the whole affair in a message to him and he kicked her out of his house.
9. THAT’S CERTAINLY A UNIQUE WAY TO FIND OUT
I took my boyfriend at the time to a party. It was a party at my friend’s house where everyone could just sleep over after. I had some drinks, got a little tired and decided to go lie in a bed. My boyfriend did not want to go to bed yet. I was lying in bed, in the middle of summer, it was so hot. I decided to crack open the window. As I opened up the curtain and looked out back, I saw my boyfriend and my best friend from kindergarten, having sex on the trampoline. I was so disgusted and in shock, I just left. I haven’t spoken to either of them since.
10. COOL AS A CUCUMBER
Well I came home from work about 2 hours early due to finishing up my paperwork quite early. Then I entered the bedroom ready to take shower. Then it happened. And to be completely honest, I just stood there and starred at them as they starred back at me. She then said, "Babe, it’s not what it looks like.” I then started laughing in an obnoxious way and turned around and left the room. Then when she came out of the room (I’m guessing he left the same way he came in “the window”) she found me playing Battlefield 4 on my PC. “Baby…?” she said. I just replied saying, “Huh?” She asked if I was okay? I just said “Yeah? I’m fine.” I guess she thought everything was actually okay and started to walk back into the bedroom. As she walked away I continued to keep playing and just said, “Oh, and you have 3 days to get all of your things out.” She tried to get me to take it back and started to get frustrated saying I can’t do that. I simply replied, “I signed the lease, I personally pay all the bills and everything that is even involved between you and I has my name on it, not yours. So you need to get out. I would appreciate that greatly.”
11. PEOPLE NEED TO BRING SOUP HOME MORE OFTEN
There was this girl staying at my house for a bit, she had family issues and never wanted to go home. We’ll call her Erica. Every night, Erica would start crying when we were heading to bed, and my bf and I would stay up hours trying to calm her down. After a couple weeks, I kicked her out. My bf really didn’t like it, but I was firm. We needed sleep, and this girl needed to deal with her family issues. Two days later, I was at work and my bf called to say he was staying home sick and wouldn’t need a ride later. I felt bad for him, so on my hour lunch break I went to the soup shop to grab him some tasty soup. It took a while and I was going to use my whole lunch break bringing him soup. I got home, and he wasn’t on his computer (very unusual) and the bedroom door was closed. I opened the bedroom door, and him and the girl were naked in bed together. I poured the soup on them and left. He called me and said it wasn’t what it looked like. She was keeping him warm since he had a fever. What an amazing excuse. I told him he better have his stuff out by the time I got home or I was calling the cops. He broke in to my apartment 3 days later to leave flowers and a note. I was 20-years-old and dumb so I took him back.
12. THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T DO
When I was a freshman in college a few years ago I was in my first serious relationship and was pretty much head over heals for this girl, let’s call her Mary. I went to Mary’s dorm one day because I had left some shit there the previous night and actually walked in on her f$%^king one of my closest friends. I’m usually a pretty even-tempered person but I completely snapped. I beat him up really badly. When I was in high school I was a state finalist wrestler and also boxed as an amateur. It wasn’t really a fight just me punching him until he went limp while Mary screamed and cried trying to get me to stop. I eventually did and I just kind of looked at her. To be honest I wanted to hit her. I’d never felt so betrayed and hurt in my life and she was just giving me this scared helpless look. I spat on her face and called her the “C” word and left…not my finest moment.
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