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16 People Share The Most Embarrassing Sex Story of Their Lives

16 People Share The Most Embarrassing Sex Story of Their Lives: MTV

MTV

There are few things more humiliating than a horrible sexual experience. Even if the other person doesn’t make a big deal out of it, they have a tendency to linger in the back of your mind for years to come. A Reddit thread asked users to share their most embarrassing sex story and the answers were painfully hilarious.

1. Food Poisoning

Going down on a guy, and he’s getting a bit rough with me. I normally have zero gag reflex and a high pain tolerance, so no problem so far. What I didn’t factor in was the food poisoning I thought I had gotten over the previous day. I vomited into my mouth and tried to swallow it back. Unfortunately the taste made me vomit a second time and just as he pulls back it goes all over my chest, his dick and the sheets. Obviously I was mortified, but he wanted to carry right on fucking me. Turns out it turned him on. I still can’t decide whether I am more embarrassed about throwing up or freaked out that it got him going.

2. Put A Ring On It

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time after I started using the Nuva Ring. He pulled out after awhile only to find my Nuva Ring caught under his foreskin. For some reason, it reminded me of those hoops that hang out of a bull’s nose and I lost it. He’s standing there with my birth control dangling from his peen and I’m just laughing my ass off.

3. Spicy Love

I made my girlfriend dinner and it eventually lead to the bedroom. I started to play with her at first and she seemed to enjoy it, but after a couple seconds her face turned from pleasure to discomfort and then near horror. I had been cutting habaneros for dinner and totally forgot to wash my hands with soap. Needless to say i did NOT have sex that night.

4. Shower Sex

I tried sex in the shower one time. I picked the girl up and had her pressed against the shower wall as I was pounding away. I soon lost traction with my feet, dropped her on her ass, and fell backwards out of the shower tearing the shower curtain down in the process.

5. Graduation Party

It’s my college graduation party and my WHOLE family and a bunch of my friends are celebrating it in my backyard. It starts to get wild and I’m near blackout at this point. All I can really remember is being behind my pool with this girl I was friends with, eating her out. Now in my drunken state I could have sworn that it was dark enough behind there but when I awoke the next day, my father assured me it wasn’t. Not only could he assure that, but about 60% of my family could as well.

6. Sun Burn

I’m a pretty pale dude so I decided to do some tanning a few days before my first time. Needless to say I overdid it. I was burnt like you wouldn’t believe. When we got around to having sex, all the sweat and body contact caused pretty much my entire outer layer of skin to peel off during the sex. Jesus, it was horrible.

7. Am I Drowning?

I was orally stimulating my boyfriend at the time when I removed my mouth from the situation for a brief moment and he decided to shoot his man juice up my nose. Between the inferno in my nasal passages and the feeling that I was choking, I was pretty sure I was dying.

8. The Woods

My first boyfriend and I were fooling around in the woods since we couldn’t do it at either of our places. Well, we were standing in the woods at the top of a small hill and I tried to kneel. I stumbled, and started somersaulting backwards down the hill. And he started chasing me with his pants around his ankles. By the time I got to the bottom, I was covered in dirt, twigs, and leaves. This did not help my sexual awkwardness. Not one bit.

9. Busted!

I had a guy stop mid-fingering and ask me if I was storing things in my vagina. When I told him, perplexed, that I didn’t, he got this look of “AHA! I’ve caught you in a lie!” and proceeded to exclaim how he knows there is something up there and that I’ve just confirmed his suspicions that all women store items in their vaginas. (I believe he compared us to kangaroos.) He appeared quite embarrassed for his lengthy diatribe after I explained to him that what he probably felt was my Nuva Ring.

10. Back to the Barracks

When I was in the Army I got very drunk and took a really cute girl back to the barracks. Turns out she was taking me to the female barracks which are (get this) set up opposite of the males. So after some pretty hot sex, I get up and go to the bathroom, which turns out to be the hallway. I hear the door lock behind me, and the chick is already in the shower, can’t hear me knocking. Had to walk back to my room naked past a platoon or so of female medics. They laughed, they cheered. I never ever lived that shit down.

11. Blood Everywhere

This guy and I were newly dating and one night having sex on the floor. So we are getting it on and all of the sudden blood starts gushing out everywhere. I thought that it was my period until he pulled it out and I quickly realized that his foreskin had kind of…ripped. (He was uncut) Turns out he had contracted some kind of yeast infection, which caused the skin to become tender and TEAR. The carpet was white and became SATURATED in blood.

12. Never Good When It Ends In The ER

My girlfriend and I were experimenting with deep throating. She was more eager than talented, though and threw up. Not wanting to actually puke all over me, I think she tried to hold it in by pushing harder. That mostly worked, but it killed the mood. I woke up in the middle of the night with my first and only urinary tract infection. Holy shit is that painful. She brought me to the hospital and watched while the ER doctor stuck an oversized q-tip up my urethra. I married that girl.

13. The Worst Father/Son Moment

The first and only time my dad caught me masturbating, I was looking at 5-second clips of women lactating. One was just loading when he walked in. I’m sure he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

14. Is That Cheating?

When I was a drinker, I finished a bottle of wine off before I began having sex with my boyfriend. I had a crazy screaming and moaning session. Afterwards, I got up, put my clothes on, and told him not to tell anyone because I had a boyfriend. I’ve never been unfaithful and when he told me what I said the next day, I couldn’t believe it. He was pretty pissed because I cheated on him with himself.

15. An Old Condom

My boyfriend stuck his fingers in me and felt the Nuva Ring when we first started dating and thought it was an old condom I forgot about.

16. Classic Love Story

My boyfriend and I tried anal.
I pooped on him.
We’re married now!


Rob is a writer and comedian based in Louisville, KY. Follow @robfee on Twitter.

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