Have you ever woken up totally confused as to why you’re lying in a hospital bed and there’s tubes coming out of all of your holes? Reddit asked their users who have experienced this phenomenon and wanted to hear their stories. This is just a compilation of our favorites, and you can find more intense hospital stories here.
TRIP OVER THE HANDLEBARS
I was twelve in 1982. Woke up in a hospital bed feeling fine, no idea what happened. Nobody else in the room.
Last person I remember hanging out with was my friend, Scott, so I call his house. His mom answered, advised me to call my parents. No answer at the home phone.
So I’m sitting in this bed, trying to figure out why I’m even there. I finally discover that the rolling table over the bed opens up, and there’s a mirror under the lid.
Across my forehead and down the whole right side of my face are fresh abrasions. “Ohhh, that’s why.” Finally get hold of Scott and learn the story (which I still don’t remember).
Was riding my bike down a sidewalk near the grade school. Sidewalk takes a 45 degree left turn, and I cut the corner. Grass is deep, and a little wet, and my front wheel catches on the edge of the sidewalk, flipping me over. I landed on my face, dragged against the other edge of the sidewalk, knocked out cold. Another neighborhood kid was in the area, hustled back to alert my parents. My Dad took me to the hospital in his car, and I woke up the next day.
Yes, my parents just left me in the hospital by myself.
NIGHTMARE TURNED REALITY
Woke up in the hospital with my roommate and her mom asleep in the chairs in the hospital room. I started freaking out because I was seven months pregnant and my pregnant belly was obviously not pregnant. My screaming woke them up.
My fiancé and I had been hit by a drunk driver, killing my fiancé and I lost the baby. I had been in a coma for three days.
I have some really gnarly scars that my kids like to make up crazy stories about. My favorite being the time I fought off three knife wielding, psychotic carnies and murdered them with my bare hands.
ANGELS IN REFLECTIVE GEAR
Walking down the road one night (proper side of road in reflective gear) headed to the gas station for some Mt. Dew and smokes. Suddenly it’s two days later and I’m strapped to a hospital bed. Apparently I was hit by a Mitsubishi 3000 GT. Kid driving was coming from a rave, high as a kite, and thought I was an angel in my reflective gear. He tried to catch me with his bumper.
TALL PEOPLE PROBLEMS
I was watching Voyager on TV, next thing I was in a hospital bed. Turns out I’d gotten up too fast, lack of blood flow to the head and passed out, hitting my head on the floor hard (I’m 6'6") and fractured my skull. Confusing.
CONFUSED TO THE MAX
“Where am I?”
“Hospital. You were airlifted here. Family’s in the next room. You had a car crash.”
“Give it to me straight, Doc: How disfigured am I?”
“Hehehe, you’re not; you’re messed up, but still have all your parts.”
family comes in, doc leaves
“Doctor won’t tell me: How f—ed-up am I? Paralyzed? Lose a leg?”
“Don’t bullshit me; I can’t feel my legs.”
“You have an epidural, idiot, and you’ve also been out of your skull on morphine for the past [X] days.”
“How could you tell; I just woke up?”
“You’ve always been conscious. High as a kite, but conscious.”
“…Oh. Okay, then. Naptime.”
I sleep, then wake up upon next doctor check-in
“Where am I?”
Repeat this for nine days or so, then I finally start retaining memories again.
10/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND
I was running a half marathon with a friend and we had just passed the 10-mile mark and I felt like I was getting into a groove after I struggled a bit the previous few miles.
Woke up the next day in the ICU with my family all around me. Heat stroke + Rhabdomyolysis. I was admitted with a temp of 108.6 and they were telling my family to prepare for the worst. Had to stay in the hospital for a few days and then take it easy for a few months but otherwise came out unscathed. Don’t recommend it.
BROKE BACK HORSE RIDING
I was riding my young horse, in training to jump. We rode up to our first 3ft jump. He stopped, so I started preparing to turn him around and try again. He then reared up and hurled himself over the jump. I was completely unprepared for him to jump. I fell off at the apex of the jump.
That’s all I remember from that day. Apparently I took his saddle off, hosed him down, and drove myself home. Next thing I remember I was being wheeled in for a CAT scan. I broke my back (this wasn’t discovered until MUCH later since I was still mobile) and fractured my skull. My helmet was in 3 pieces. I still own this horse. He’s 22 now and we still ride. Just…no jumping.
DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE
I hopped into the back of a mate’s pickup after a rugby game, went to sleep and woke up in ICU in traction with no feeling from my waist down. Turns out we had a head-on collision with a drunk driver and I went through the back of the cab picking up a host of broken body parts including four compressed vertebrae. A year and a number of surgeries later I walked out of hospital an inch shorter and with enough metal in me to set off metal detectors as airports.
I was the lucky one, the other three guys in the truck never woke up afterwards. Twenty years and it still gets me.
HOW THINK DO YOU DRUNK I AM?
Cut a guy off while bartending in college. He wasn’t too happy, grabbed a bottle, and chucked it at the back of my head as I turned around. Woke up in a hospital bed with my best regular and his wife ensuring me I’d be ok and the guy wouldn’t ‘be a problem.’
Super reassuring other than the fact this was a pretty unsavory biker bar and the regulars, though amazingly kind and loyal to me, weren’t the most savory human beings. 38 stitches, a partially shaved head, and 3 days later I was at lunch with the same regulars.
My brother and I were outside playing with squirt guns (this was 2001 so I would have been 11). Next thing I know it’s Easter Sunday, I was in a hospital bed with a massive headache and blurred vision and the last thing I remembered was 4 days ago. Apparently I fell backwards and smacked my dome on the curb hard enough to fracture my skull and bruise my brain. Got 2 weeks off of school which was cool back then and I’ve had to wear glasses ever since. Apparently, according to my mom, the first sign of consciousness in the hospital was me getting out of bed, taking a piss on the floor, and then going back to sleep for two more days. The whole thing was a weird experience.