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Playboy Advisor: Can a Woman Orgasm From Just Being Spanked?

Playboy Advisor: Can a Woman Orgasm From Just Being Spanked?: Skip Sterling

Skip Sterling

Can a woman have an orgasm just from being spanked? My girlfriend wants me to get her to come that way. We’ve been trying, but I’m worried I’m only hurting her in a quest for something that might not be possible.K.P., Little Rock, Arkansas
It is possible—but highly unlikely—that your girlfriend will be able to have an orgasm from spanking alone. Mild to moderate spanking can help release a pleasurable amount of endorphins and increase blood flow to the genitals. Combine that with the erotic charge some women get from being spanked, and you could ostensibly trigger a mental orgasm (a rare but achievable state). We suggest redirecting some of that effort you’re worried about into your free hand (or hers) for some good old vanilla clitoral stimulation that could, combined with spanking, trigger a classic O.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and he wants us to go to a strip club together. We have always had excellent communication. When we started seeing each other he told me he’d visited a few such clubs, and without giving it much thought I told him it would be fun if we went together. Now that we’re getting more serious, I’m not so sure. He brought it up again recently and wouldn’t let it go, so I got upset. I finally told him I have no interest in seeing strippers, and now he’s mad and says he feels duped. Is it unreasonable of me to feel that I’m right and he’s the one who’s wrong?S.S., Los Angeles, California
Apologies to Fight Club fans, but doesn’t your boyfriend know that the first rule of strip clubs is “Don’t talk about strip clubs”? Joking aside, you have to give him credit for being honest about his interest; he has been more transparent than a lot of guys would be. Whether you intended to or not, it does sound as though you misled him at the beginning of your relationship, and you need to fess up to that. He’s within his rights to be disappointed. But you also owe it to yourself to be honest about the issues surrounding strip clubs that bother you. We’re guessing this isn’t so much a matter of your being cool with going to a strip club as it is a matter of your being cool with him going to a strip club. If it’s an essential philosophical and political conflict, this might become a compatibility issue for the two of you. Better to keep a level head, talk it out and not make this about whether you accompany your boyfriend or not. The “why” and “how” regarding your feelings about strip clubs are more important than the “if” and “when.”

A good friend of mine was recently in a terrible accident that he barely survived. I’ve been visiting him in the hospital every week and have come to realize that I find just about every decent-looking nurse incredibly sexy. They’re no hotter than women outside the hospital, and they wear chunky athletic shoes and baggy clothes, but there’s just something about them and about being in that environment that makes me hornier than usual. Don’t worry; I’m not going to hit on the nurses, but I am curious about your opinion. What’s your take on this?D.A., Tacoma, Washington
Your situation sounds different from the standard sexy-nurse cliché that thrives in certain porn subgenres and proliferates around Halloween. Maybe it’s the baggy clothing that makes the nurses all the more tantalizing to you, like a sort of sartorial chastity belt in scrubs form. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that nurses take care of people in a somewhat motherly way that Freud would probably say you find arousing. But our leading theory is that, given your friend’s circumstances, your reaction is really about your fear of death. We think that on some primitive level you’re responding to a situation in which your friend nearly died, which probably makes you viscerally aware of your own mortality. The primitive, evolutionary reaction to being threatened with death is to procreate, so you’re seeing all these nurturing, fertile women as potential mates who could help you propagate the species and thereby give you eternal life—or at least pass along your DNA. Then again, maybe the nurses are just sexy.

I have had huge problems finding a hair product that works for me. I’m a 32-year-old man who has medium-length, somewhat thin hair with a slight wave to it. When it’s humid outside my hair tends to curl. Sometimes I can straighten it by using product, but eventually at some point in the day it reverts to curliness. I’m not kidding when I say that I have tried about 30 different waxes, gels, pomades and so forth. Recently I bought two products with different hold levels from the same manufacturer. One is just a little too shiny; the other is matte but holds my hair the way I like it. I mixed the two products together, and the combination actually works pretty well. What do you think?I.H., Iowa City, Iowa
Congratulations, you’ve stumbled upon “cocktailing,” a technique hairstylists employ. As the name suggests, it’s when you combine two or more grooming products to create a unique blend that can achieve what one product alone cannot. Certain products provide firm hold but leave hair looking dull. Others provide shine but offer little in the way of hold. We’re not suggesting that everyone should practice this advanced form of cosmetic mixology, but if you find that you’ve bought a gel, pomade or other item that doesn’t do the trick, you don’t necessarily need to throw it away. You’re basically looking for the right balance between shine and hold, so if you have too much of one and not enough of the other, look for a product that can round it out.

I’m not comfortable with guns but still want to buy some sort of home-defense weapon. Air taser guns look like they would do the job and seem comparatively safe. Should I buy one?D.G., Pelham, New York
We asked a police officer in a high-crime area of Los Angeles whether any sort of weapon is useful in home defense. He said absolutely, but only if you train with it regularly and follow all the recommended safety precautions. This applies to both firearms and other less lethal options such as pepper spray and air tasers. But the officer stressed that there’s no magic bullet and that weapons can provide a false sense of security for most civilians. He knows of numerous home invasions in which homeowners were unable to access their firearms (or other defensive weapon, such as a baseball bat stashed under the bed), had their weapons stolen or even had them used against them in robberies. One lesson applies for owners of all weapons, including less-than-lethal ones: train, prepare, secure. You need to ask yourself if that sounds like the sort of thing you want to do on a monthly basis. If not, you could do what many cops recommend: Get a good alarm system and a big-ass German shepherd.

A friend of mine who keeps up on all the latest trends claims that ties are going out of style. Not too long ago Playboy ran a story telling me I should know how to tie at least three different styles of knots (The Playboy Fall Style Field Guide, September 2013). Are you guys falling behind the times?A.R., Langley, Virginia
No, sir. We are fully aware of the ascendance, however slight, of the “air tie,” in which men wear a suit or blazer with a shirt buttoned up to the top and no necktie. It’s the latest affectation of creative types who like dressing up in suits to look important while making it clear they’re not some boring dude who has to follow conventional dress codes and other burdensome rules observed by the average guy. But when you think about it, ties as a functional object are ridiculous, so we’re not going to quibble with not wearing one if you can pull it off and look cool.

When I go out on first dates I habitually bring a condom, which I keep in my small pocket, a.k.a. watch pocket, just in case things get hot and heavy. This way I know we will have protection if we need it. I’ve always thought this was a good idea—and it has definitely come in handy—but I also always worry about the reaction I might get if my date discovers the condom early in the night, while we’re still getting to know each other. What is the Advisor’s view on this type of etiquette?A.C., Los Angeles, California
As far as we’re concerned the watch pocket (or coin pocket) should just be renamed the condom pocket, because its dimensions are remarkably suited to standard prophylactic-packet measurements. Hats off to you for being so dedicated to safe sex. Yes, it would look mighty tacky if the condom package were to slip out of your pocket and into the popcorn bucket at the movie theater or onto the dinner table while you were paying the bill. If that happens, come clean, laugh it off and get on with the night without apology. We think any good woman will look at you as an evolved and responsible man rather than as a creep.

I am a divorced 46-year-old man who is in a relationship with a slightly younger, recently divorced woman. My girlfriend and I get along well, but I struggle with setting boundaries regarding time to myself. I am introverted and creative, and I need time alone to develop my work. My girlfriend says she accepts this, but she doesn’t put that claim into practice. I have expressed my needs several times and each time have been met with bemused condescension. What can I say or do that won’t hurt her feelings but will get me the time to myself that I need?M.N., Denver, Colorado
Consistency and respectful clarity are your friends. Establish predictable hours for your work and alone time; this will let your girlfriend know what to expect from you. You need to be precise and follow through on your promises. Treat your time with her as sacredly as you treat your me-time. If you say every other night is date night, then that’s the deal. But if you constantly use the “creative” and “artistic” excuse to back out of dinner or movie plans at the last minute, we wouldn’t blame your girlfriend for being annoyed. Being introverted and creative is one thing; being rude is another. Like you said, it’s about setting boundaries and sticking to them.

I’m a sexually active 67-year-old man in a committed relationship with a 31-year-old woman. She doesn’t want a baby, and neither do I. She says her birth control pills are making her crazy and wants to stop taking them. I don’t want to wear a condom. I’ve heard that sperm swim slower the older you get. Am I old enough to be able to count on my slowpoke sperm being too slow to get her pregnant?E.O., Baltimore, Maryland
It’s true that the older a man gets, the slower and less mobile his sperm become. Although this can diminish your chances of impregnating a woman, there’s no guarantee. The genetic quality of your sperm also decreases over time, which can lead to birth defects. You’ll need to use condoms or find another form of birth control for your girlfriend.

I am unable to maintain an erection with a condom on. I wonder whether this is unusual and if it could be psychological. Have you heard of this, and is there a solution?P.F., Traverse City, Michigan
By no means are you alone. Many men experience erectile difficulties as a result of condoms (in one study, up to 32 percent of men surveyed). Problems can be caused by reduced stimulation, breakage or losing an erection while putting on the condom. It doesn’t take much thought to arrive at why this might be: The condom pause is a buzzkill of the highest order. You go from foreplay to that magic moment, only to struggle with tearing open a foil packet, positioning and unfurling it correctly—and then back to a now less-than-magic moment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get better at the transition. This is going to sound a little ridiculous, but you should practice putting on a condom while masturbating, then practice finding pleasure with the condom on. The more comfortable you are with this and the more accustomed you are to the sensations, the better you will become at staying hard. Another issue could be condom size. If your condom is too tight, it might be cutting off the blood flow to your penis, making it physically harder for you to stay hard. Try going up a size.

I recently graduated from culinary school and received a fancy Japanese chef’s knife as a gift. The person who gave it to me said I should sharpen only one side of the blade because I’ll ruin the knife if I sharpen it the way I do my Western-style chef’s knives made by German companies. Is this true, and how the heck do you sharpen just one side of a blade?N.M., Red Hook, New York
Most Western-style chef’s knives have what’s called a V-edge, which is what it sounds like: If you look closely down the edge of the knife from the tip you’ll see a V shape, with each side of the knife having been sharpened at the same angle. Traditional Japanese chef’s knives have what is called a chisel edge: It’s angled on just one side and flat on the other. This style of edge is capable of making cleaner and more precise cuts, but most home cooks won’t notice the difference. As a professional you will probably be able to discern the difference, but whether it’s worth the trouble is up to you. It takes a lot of practice to sharpen a knife by hand on just one side, so if you want to preserve the chisel edge we suggest contacting Korin kitchen supply (korin.com), which is certified by several major Japanese knife brands to repair and sharpen specialty knives. Or you could just sharpen it in the V-shape style. You can always have the blade reground in the Japanese fashion if you change your mind.

Every year I throw a big Cinco de Mayo party and get serious with the cocktails. Last year I served mezcal margaritas, and my friends were blown away by how smoky and delicious they were. I need to outdo myself this year. What should I serve?J.P., Oakland, California
Track down some Bacanora, a Mexican spirit that tastes like a cross between tequila and mezcal. It’s made in the northern state of Sonora and has some smoke to it, like mezcal, as well as a pleasantly vegetal flavor similar to super-premium tequila. You can use Bacanora just as you would excellent tequila, but to really taste the nuances you should offer it to guests straight. Cielo Rojo is an excellent brand that you can find stateside. We also like to use it to make a less sweet version of a margarita by simply pouring two ounces of spirit over a few ice cubes in a low glass, then squeezing half a lime and half a blood orange into it for a slightly sweet but tangy effect.


For answers to reasonable questions relating to food and drink, fashion and taste and sex and dating e-mail advisor@playboy.com. The most interesting and pertinent questions will be presented each month.


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