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Playboy Advisor: I Think Game of Thrones Makes My Wife Horny

Playboy Advisor: I Think Game of Thrones Makes My Wife Horny: Skip Sterling

Skip Sterling

My girlfriend wants me to handcuff her during sex (yes, thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey) but is afraid of being stuck in the cuffs should the lock release fail. Any suggestions on how I can convince her it’s safe?H.K., Tulsa, Oklahoma
Her fears are not unfounded. When the book’s popularity reached a peak, police and fire departments reported an increase in calls from couples who’d gotten in over their heads and needed emergency extraction. For around $15 you can buy officially branded Fifty Shades “You Are Mine” cuffs, which have a built-in safety release, or police-training cuffs, which are made of heavier metal and also have a release switch. For more serious restraint, the BDSM community recommends specially designed bondage cuffs made with larger leather straps that decrease the risk of nerve damage associated with traditional handcuffs.

My wife and I have been having sex on Sundays like clockwork. After years of being the instigator, I am pleased to report that she is now initiating sex. Also, I’ve noticed a pattern: She consistently starts right after we watch Game of Thrones. What gives?R.Q., Scottsdale, Arizona
Game of Thrones has done wonders for Sunday-night sex in formerly fallow relationships: It has enough action—of both types—to keep guys interested and enough intrigue, soap opera–style plotting and romance for the ladies. While the rampant nudity and frequent sex are titillating to both men and women, the romance is likely what inspires your wife to make the moves. Several studies indicate that women respond to a combination of visual representations of sex and a story line/narrative, while men simply require the visuals.

Do penis pumps and penis-enlargement pills really work? My penis is smaller than average when not erect and about six inches when fully erect. My current girlfriend claims her previous boyfriends had much larger penises than mine but that she enjoys having sex with me. I don’t believe her.S.T., Houston, Texas
Pumps and pills don’t work. The thing you need to work on isn’t the size of your penis but your attitude about what you’ve got. Over the years we have fielded countless questions about penis enlargement, average penis size, whether penis size matters, etc. First of all, your penis isn’t small compared with the general population’s. The latest study of any significance synthesized data from 17 global studies to arrive at the following numbers, which should put your mind at ease: The average erect penis is 5.16 inches long, and only five percent of men have a penis that measures 6.3 inches when erect. So you’re doing way better than average and are edging toward what we would call, in economic terms, an upper-middle-class cock.

I recently started working out at a gym. Looking in the mirror, I’ve noticed that my left biceps is markedly smaller than my right. Coincidentally, I’m right-handed. Is this normal, and how do I fix the imbalance?M.D., Poughkeepsie, New York
If you’re doing curls with a straight bar or a preacher curl weight machine, it’s easy to cheat, which means you could be avoiding giving your left biceps maximum resistance. Use separate dumbbells, one for each hand, and make sure you bring the weights up and down through your biceps’ full range of motion with both arms. People always have a dominant arm that they use for opening doors, carrying groceries, lifting luggage, etc., which is what causes one arm to be bigger than the other. Try to switch these everyday tasks to your left, nondominant arm. You’ll notice that it’s likely weaker from being underused. Over time you will develop more symmetry, but don’t overthink it. Everyone’s body is asymmetrical, and you’re probably the only person who notices it.

What are you supposed to wear when you go to a big boxing match? When I watch fights on TV I see some guys in T-shirts while others are wearing really nice suits.G.S., Brockton, Massachusetts
The closer you are to the ring, the better you should dress. In most seats, nobody will think you’re disrespecting the event or yourself by wearing jeans and a hoodie. But if you’re sitting on the floor or the first few risers, there’s a good chance you’ll end up on TV or on the big screens, and here—more than in any other sport except tennis and golf—you don’t want to look like a slob. At the very least wear a nice polo or crisp collared shirt. A blazer wouldn’t hurt. Look at all the boxers at the Manny Pacquiao–Floyd Mayweather fight: Mike Tyson, Sugar Ray Leonard and Oscar De La Hoya all wore blazers. Promoters can even get away with wearing a tuxedo.

When I was growing up, my father instilled in me a belief that, as a U.S. citizen, I should buy only American-made cars. His position was based primarily on patriotism, but as an adult I have followed this rule because I assumed it was better for the domestic economy if my money went to companies based in the United States. But now, with so many foreign vehicles being manufactured in the U.S.—and so many U.S. automakers having their cars manufactured and/or assembled overseas—my rule seems naively nationalistic and economically outdated. What’s the reality?C.B., Rochester, New York
There are many realities at play in this issue. You’re right that the Big Three automakers (GM, Ford and Chrysler) are sourcing many car parts from overseas, and consequently there is no car on the market that’s 100 percent American-made. Some Big Three cars contain less than 50 percent American-made parts, and some foreign cars are made with up to 75 percent American parts. In either case you’re supporting the U.S. economy to some degree. To ensure you keep most of the money on the home front, consult the handy annual American Made Index, which ranks cars based on both the percentage of domestic parts and their final point of assembly. The most recent top 10 are overwhelmingly Japanese, with the Toyota Camry and the Honda Odyssey being among the most American car models. But the number one most American vehicle is the Ford F-150—and it’s made by an American company. If the F-150 is too big and practical for you, you’ll have to settle for the second American car on the list: the Corvette.

I am a healthy and energetic 38-year-old man. My wife and I recently started to dabble in swinging, but I’ve been having complications. I have lost my erection on four separate occasions (three of which were with the same couple, whom we’ve known for many years and are comfortable with). I have a full erection when we start out, but when I get ready to have sex with the other woman my erection disappears and I can’t get it back. Both of the women we’ve been with are beautiful and I’m attracted to them. And I’m not bothered that my wife is with the other male. Can you help me with this psychological downer? It’s rather embarrassing and puts a crimp on the experience for everyone involved.R.G., Lubbock, Texas
Sometimes your little head lets you know what your big head is feeling. Just because you can’t keep it up and penetrate doesn’t mean you can’t participate in other ways. Swinging isn’t always a—excuse the pun—tit-for-tat endeavor. There are many other sexual activities you can explore wholeheartedly and still play a crucial part in the festivities, either through oral sex or with toys. Also, it’s possible it’s not you but them. In swinging as in the non-swinging world, sometimes you need a little chemistry to get things going. Maybe you and your wife haven’t found the perfect partners yet. Either way, you’re still a relative newbie in the swinging world, so give yourself a break and don’t put any pressure on yourself. Find a way to have fun, whatever form it might take.

I’m a 40-year-old man who has never been married. I work out regularly, practice good hygiene and make good money as an attorney. Prior to meeting my current girlfriend, I dated girls I’d met on Match.com and at my local gym. I was amazed at the carefree attitude they had about condoms. They never insisted that I wear one and, as a matter of fact, never even brought the subject up. The girl I’m with now asked “Shouldn’t you wear a condom?” the first time—and after I told her I was fixed, she was okay with my going in bareback. I’m curious if this is a new trend. Aren’t women concerned about getting pregnant or catching sexually transmitted diseases? I’m sure I would be.F.L., Sherman Oaks, California
You should be concerned. And you should also take responsibility for your side of the equation and insist on wearing a condom whenever you are with a new date. Unfortunately, the cavalier attitude you describe isn’t a new trend, nor is it limited to your age group. According to a recent study, only 60 percent of teenagers report using condoms, and scarily, it turns out they’re practicing safer sex than adults do. The same study showed that condom use actually declines with age. So as you make your way in life and the dating world, please do your part to help reverse that trend.

For 25 years I was happily married to a wonderful woman. We were as close to perfect as a couple could get. That being said, I lost her to cancer in 2012. It was, as you might expect, devastating to watch my wife slowly deteriorate and ultimately pass away. Knowing this would be the case, I sought out counselors to speak to so I would be able to remain strong and care for her properly—and also deal with my grief afterward. Now, I’m doing quite well and feel I’m ready to date and possibly pursue a relationship. This is the problem: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing when I meet women. I signed up with one of the more popular dating sites, but I find it too impersonal. Some of my close friends try to give me advice, but it all boils down to the fact that I was with this woman happily for so long that I feel really awkward when I speak to any other women. I try to be “myself,” but I have the feeling of being in way over my head. Am I thinking about this too much? Any advice is greatly appreciated.G.P., Cleveland, Ohio
It’s natural to be overwhelmed by emotions when presented with the idea of being with a woman other than your late wife, with whom you obviously had an especially close relationship. Grief is a powerful thing; it becomes part of us. Three years into the grieving process isn’t that long considering the length and depth of your relationship. You say you’re ready to try a new relationship, and that’s something to honor as mindfully as possible as you continue to move forward. The fact that you feel in over your head isn’t a sign you should ignore. Take it slow, take the pressure off yourself, and be honest about where you are in life with the women you meet and date. You may not be ready to commit and they may not be either, but only by moving forward with it will you learn where you stand in life. It’s good that you’re talking to friends about it and looking for help. Continue to be open and honest and connected, but also consider going back to therapy or at least talking to a grief counselor about this change. This is a big step for you, and you don’t need to do it alone or without a bit of professional insight and support.

I recently took a girl I’ve been really good friends with for three years on a date. We have a history of flirting, and I want something more with her. I told her how I feel and she said she feels the same. I learned she’s moving out of town in a few months, which puts some pressure on the situation. If it works out, it will be a long-distance relationship. I’ve heard they’re tough to pull off, but she’s worth it. While we were on the date, she was giving me subtle hints to make a move, just with things she said, the way she looked at me and her body language. The problem is I don’t want to make the wrong move. After I brought her back to her place, we just hugged and then went our separate ways. Now I can’t help but regret that I didn’t go in for a kiss. My question is, do girls like it when guys just go for things like that? Also, would it be a good idea for me to do that the next time I see her? She’s really cool and down-to-earth, so I’m not worried about ruining our friendship. I just need advice for the next time we go on a date, because it will be soon and I want to move our relationship further. I really hope you can help me.T.A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
You sound as though you haven’t had a lot of dating experience, so you might find it useful to hear about the hindsight of those on the other side. We’ve heard too many men in midlife say they wish they’d made a move when they had the chance. We’re talking decades after a moment like this. With all the signs you’ve listed, you would be perfectly justified in making at least an exploratory move. If you’re rebuffed, so be it. It sounds like your relationship can take the hit (we’ve also heard just as many stories from men who have weathered this sort of misunderstanding). Make the move.

Lately I have been to a couple of restaurants that have communal coed sinks. Men and women use separate bathrooms but wash their hands at the same place. This inevitably means people of both genders are waiting to use the same sink. I recently had to wait for a woman to touch up her makeup. Typically after urinating I don’t feel compelled to wash up, but I was afraid the woman would judge me if I didn’t. And she made me wait for the privilege. I’m not sure I’m into this much equality.D.V., New York, New York
Equality is one thing. Equivalent bathroom behavior is another thing altogether. In a shared space, always, regardless of the genders involved, be on your best behavior. Just because you trust yourself and your hygiene doesn’t mean every other guy in the men’s room will wash up thoroughly. Not only are they potentially spreading their germs, you could be unwittingly bringing their fecal matter into your french fries when you go back to the table. Hygiene aside, be patient and polite. Wash your hands, put the seat down after you go, don’t primp your pompadour too much, and above all, don’t do what a particularly tall and somewhat tipsy male friend of ours did when he mistook the communal sink for a urinal.


For answers to reasonable questions relating to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or The most interesting and pertinent questions will be presented in these pages each month.


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